It Has Been Almost Two Months...

Since I have blogged last! My apologies to my adoring fans...all 3 of them! Life has been crazy!I am still in mourning that one in our fold is now at Clemson (how did that happen? - I did everything a mother could but alas, he went to the dark side...I can so empathize with Darth Vader's mom.) But I still love shoes and the Dawgs (#10 and playing Vandy today - it's Homecoming). Will be going on an overnight camping trip with the Cub Scouts this evening and of course am trying to figure out how to wear stylish shoes and be comfortable too (TO HECK WITH COMFORT)...Although, I don't want a repeat of the "Great Soccer Debaucle of '08" in which my stylish spiked heels got caught in the grass with a bunch of crazed 10-year-old boys kicking at me while I hyperextended my knee and earned my way to the orthopedist office...But I did continue playing after said injury occurred. I like to think of myself as being tough as nails. You gotta have style on the field though.

So I have some shoe quotes that I know you all have been waiting for...so here goes..

"If a boot doesn't make you feel sexy, it's not working." Stella McCartney, designer

...(and Paul's daughter)...I don't know Stella...I was feeling pretty un-sexy hobbling around Gold Hill's soccer field in the injury-inducing boots...But one dad pointed out I was doing a service and aerating the school's lawn and volunteering is pretty sexy so, yes, maybe my boots did that for me...Not!

"What's the rule that says you can only buy one pair of shoes at a time? I mean, it's so arbitrary." Sophie Kinsella, Shopaholic Takes Manhattan

...I never heard of that rule and you didn't either Mark.

"Wearing high heels to the ball made it fashionable to teeter and fall." French Poet

...Is is fashionable to teeter and fall say, in the grocery store? At a PTO meeting? On a Scout campout? Talk amongst yourselves...

"If the shoe doesn't fit, must we change the foot?" Gloria Steinem

...Okay, I am all for women's rights and all but hey, if the shoe doesn't fit, maybe your feet are too big? Maybe some foot taping is in order! HA!

AND FINALLY...

"Always wear expensive shoes. People notice." Brian Koslow

...I hate to admit it but I had to look up Mr. Koslow because I had not heard of him...He's an author and an entrpreneur and a pretty darn smart person in my opinion. I am with you Koslow! You can tell when someone is wearing Louboutin, Prada, Manolos...their feet look smoking!

Okay - I am getting the stink eye here because my wonderful husband is getting everything together for the campout and I am blogging...when I should be showering...have a soccer game to get to...what shoes should I wear?

So...

So, college football has officially started (TONIGHT!) and we've got games ALL over the place....I am TOTALLY PSYCHED! I am attempting to begin to commence to pledge that I will partake in no actions that will get me banned to the patio outside my house...by Mark...stating my actions are unbecoming of a parent...and send the wrong message to the kids...I'll try my best (I think the Florida game is exempt from this stipulation...) AM CERTAIN I have a major blip (e.g., HUGE SPIKE!) in the blood pressure from late August until January 1st (or 2nd through 10th when they STREEEEEEEEEEETCH the championship out - was last season NOT insane???)

Well, would like to impart a WONDERFUL quote from my friend (okay, I know his name) Andre Leon Talley, editor at large for Vogue...Here goes...

"Manolo creates visual poems for women's feet. Some women desire fabulous jewels; others think of his shoes as jewels for the feet."

Are you kidding me? WHO DOES NOT THINK MANOLOS ARE JEWELS FOR THE FEET? Visual poems?...they are the virtual tapestry upon which creativity is woven...(Note to self: Copyright that phrase)...Art...TOTAL art...beautiful art...

I sooooo love shoes!

P.S. -- People Magazine and Lucky Magazine have their "SHOE" issue this month...Check them out! Life is short...buy MORE shoes!

Fifth Grader for Sale and...Work and Home and Kids - oh my!

Okay, I am seriously thinking about hanging a "For Sale" sign on the fifth grader...you'd think he was an adolescent girl with all the whining that is going on with him....HELLO, 1998? I want my sweet, adorable, compliant, pleasant infant child back (who thinks I hung the moon, never complains and smiles at me incessantly)....

Work...and home...and kids, oh my! Work...and home...and kids, oh my! (Think: Lions and Tigers and Bears, oh my!...If you don't know what I am referencing, get those pull-ups on and go to bed right now Ms./Mr. Toddler...you are too young to get this and to be reading this...My life is a cycle of three things...Work, home (disrepair, cleaning, stench) and then the kids (disrepair, cleaning, stench)...no lie...I don't think I can remember when I actually have had a moment to myself lately...except for in the bathroom and ONLY when I have locked the door...it appears that a blinking "The Psychiatrist is In" sign is on my bathroom door...have finally learned that by turning that bronze doo-hicky on the door knob works wonders for my own sanity....

I am an exhausted mess right now as is my house...The hubby's birthday was one week ago today and I am still, up to this minute, scraping inches of fondant off of our stove that Jessa made to top his birthday cake...explains the teams of ants cheering at me when I edge my way to the stove (under the singed microwave) - somehow, they think it was a purposeful doing - like I wanted them to stay because fondant lasts...oh.... 1000 YEARS! HELLO????? ...the cheers quieted when they saw the industrial strength 409 I am wielding at my hip...I am convinced I need a jack hammer to get this crap off or perhaps a pressure washer...I will have this stuff off no later than Christmas - I am totally ambitious and optimistic...

So, today was the first day of school...no new shoes for the kids (they got them weeks ago so they could break them in and not appear to be totally uncool...)but I have some great shoe quotes from that AWESOME shoe calendar that I LOVE!

"Hi, I'm not here but my shoes are, so leave them a message." Carrie's answering machine, Sex and the City.Okay, enough said.

Perhaps I would add a "I'm not here and neither is my mind..." but other than that, this quote is perfection.

"High heels are pride and privilege, the passkey to decadence." -- Karen Heller

Karen, I agree with you...high heels are decadence (and probably wreck-a-dance too...have you ever been in gorgeous, but uncomfortable shoes dancing? That's sure to wreck that dance, right??? Instant cankles, blisters and piggy feet - ugly combination!)

"I much prefer being a man. Women have to spend so much time pulling themselves together, and their shoes kill your feet." --- Shirley Booth

Hmmmmm - love me some shoes regardless of the pain factor. Not sure about being the man thing - although would love more time to sleep in so maybe that wouldn't be so bad...But, there is something to be said about pain and having great shoes...who cares about the pain as long as your feet look good?

Am Waiting for the Next Shoe to Drop

So I basically have had the last 10 days from you know where...First of all, I get a call at 8:01 a.m. last Friday - first to the cell and then to the office phone which is never a good sign...A frantic Casey greeted me and said, "Um mom....there's been an accident." Four letter words flew through my feeble mind..."Uh, see, we were trying to fry churros on the stove and well, uh, a fire broke out and we called the fire department and everything is okay, we just threw water on it (SIDE NOTE: EGADS - on the ELECTRIC STOVE)...and so it went out, but then restarted, but then we got it out again...And well, uh, we kinda melted the microwave..." The EXPENSIVE(AND we got 50-75% off) stainless steel almost BRAND NEW microwave (it was maybe 4 months old)...okay at least no one was hurt, we are not being sued (from the family of Casey's friends who were at our home that morning) and the house did not burn down...wait a minute, safety aside, I'd love for this house to go up in flames so that we can start over again - the floor plan is horrible....oh well...Again, no one was hurt!

Fast forward to Tuesday (uh, 4 days later)...I get a pleasant invitation after work from Mark to go out to dinner with him and Jessa and the Green Day guitar-playing boyfriend, would Mexican food be okay, blah, blah,blah...On my way home, little did I know ANOTHER disaster was about to strike...Apparently, Jess had picked up a rock and was tossing it in her hands while they were outside waiting for me to come home from work...are you seeing where this is going? Uh, well said rock was accidentally hurled into the window of Mark's car (uh not the windshield - that according to SC law would be replaced at no cost...!*@#()%(@&(WD*A)*F! - could she have not hit the windshield?) and the window shattered into about 14,000 miniature shards of glass...and the hubby was cleaning up upon my return...for probably 45 minutes in complete silence (which ensued the entire evening!)...when the torrential rain storm hit...and we only had Scotch (TM - TRADE MARK) tape to seal the trash bag-donned window...I became the brain trust (scary) and recommended that we back the car in to shield the "vulnerable" side from the rain and horrible winds...well, thank God it worked...The window was replaced the next day (and was almost $100 less than we were quoted by another company...BUT IT WAS STILL EXPENSIVE - yet, there was a light to this story!)

So, other things happened to create the triumverate of things that are supposed to happen when you have bad luck so I chalked them up to that...

On a brighter note, Casey and Nolan arrived home safely from Edisto Island! I haven't seen Nolan for more than 6 weeks and he is 4 inches taller and probably 15 pounds heavier...he actually looks like a 5th grader now! I am walking on air to be with him...and Casey informed me she has a boyfriend (what?) He lives in Greenville and they met at camp but have just become an item "recently." THANK GOD he lives a couple hundred miles away...I am not ready for this!

Well, before I go upstairs to join them in a PS2 karoake game (I will SOOOOO BEAT THEM - although I am not successful on our Wii Guitar Hero), I must leave you with some great quotes...

"I like to literally put women on a pedestal." Vivienne Westwood, shoe designer

And girl, you do that and clothe them FABULOUSLY! My girl Gwen (uh, Stefani for your newbees) LOVES her some Vivienne...She is fantastic!

"It's really hard to walk in a single woman's shoes - that's why you sometimes need really special shoes!" Carrie, Sex and the City

Okay Carrie, I sorta remember your angst at being single (short-lived)...but, you can't compare needing special shoes to us working moms who are on our feet all day and then run around all night getting kids ready for school the next day, doing laundry, doing dishes, etc...need I say more? I am hoping that Manolo or Jimmy C will come out with an affordable, comfortable everyday wear shoe for working moms...okay, I am hopping off of my pedestal now...

Life is short, buy the shoes...Cheer on my Dawgs!

IS THIS A CRUEL JOKE?

WHAT???????????????????????? President Bush is pre-empting the Dr. Phil show TODAY OF ALL DAYS...on the one of two mornings I am off from work in the morning! And, it's a new episode too...

These things I know...

I know the economy STINKS.

I know gas prices SUCK.

I know the housing market is HORRIBLE.

I know that Mark and I don't make enough money to raise our ZOO.

I know we probably need to get second and third jobs to pay for their band activities, private lessons, COLLEGE, uh, can you say food and shelter?

Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac bail out...I know about it and I GET IT.

But what I don't know is what the result was of the smack down by the mom who wanted the registered sex offender out of her daughter's home...I AM ALL ABOUT THE DRAMA PEOPLE...Speak to me Phil...

Okay, I AM an admitted, capital "L" donning LOSER.

Does This Make Me A TOTAL LOSER?

That I am excited it is 10 a.m. and I think there is a new episode of Dr. Phil on this morning? Tuesdays and Thursdays are my late work days so I get to indulge in "the Doc" and "The View." I curse the TV when it's a rerun...

Now that I have told you why I am asking the above said question, it's totally rhetorical - you don't have to comment please.

Must go turn on the TV!

AM I OUT OF MY MIND?

Okay, don't answer that question.

We are adding to our "zoo." Upon Nolan's return from his whirlwind, travel-filled summer, he will be bringing home two...not one....TWO new pets. Sebastian and Herman will join our brood on the 26th of July. You guessed it - they are hermit crabs. The last one we had accidentally "baked" in our sun room after Jessa let him out to "exercise." Too bad he wasn't bigger or we'd have eaten him for dinner...Apparently the two have a "cat proof" cage...We'll see how that works for us.

Our cats have been known to knock over fish tanks..."Michael" and "Jordan" met their fate that way - I tried to resuscitate their dehydrated little bodies that were literally glued to Nolan's carpet. I thought that if I added a little water to them, they might spring back to life like one of those capsules that once you add water, they poof! become a sponge...okay, I had a MAJORLY blonde moment at that point but wanted Nolan to see his mom trying any measure to bring them back to life. After a brief tear (ha!) and flush of the toilet, he was all about getting a new fish...he'd moved on. It's pretty incredible that Swimmy is still alive after surviving in an inch of murky water when Nolan has forgotten to clean his tank...

Anyhoo, now our zoo will include two dogs, two cats, two hermit crabs, one fish and four (make that 5) kids...The 5th kid just happens to be almost 48...

Am I crazy or what? No wonder I find solace in shoes...mindlessly admiring them in my closet each day as I rock back and forth in the fetal position...

Oh, great quote..."Shoes are the foundation of all fashion." Anonymous

Are you kidding me? ANONYMOUS, SHNONYMOUS...I say that every day! I think I should get some residual money for them using my quote and publishing it on that fabulous shoe calendar of theirs, don't you think? It would help to pay for all of our pet food, pet toys and stuff...BTW, are there toys for hermit crabs?