Trashy Stuff...and Shoes, of course

It has been a busy month between kids' school activities, work, the NYC trip (FABULOUS! The $795 Prada shoes with the carved heels were TO DIE FOR! No, I didn't buy them...Was considering the purchase but thought they may be a bit much for the office...I digress...) and the constant stepping over, around and under crap that has been strewn on our floor, on our counter tops and basically everywhere in the house. Apparently I the mother of the spawn of Oscar (The Grouch that is...the green one...in the trashcan...which my kids can't seem to find or hit....and that explains the green fuzz that mysteriously appears out of Nolan's ears and armpits - he gets that from his furry father...) Uh, those of you too young to remember Oscar, you are WAY past naptime...grab your binkie. Night, night!

Back to trash-talking...I am seriously considering paying for the cast and crew of "Clean Sweep" to come out here from California. And, I plan on making good use of my 1-800-GOT-JUNK gift certificate that I won at the high school bands' oyster roast auction...I wonder if they have a plastic bag large enough to encase the entire house and they can just haul it away...blow it up and start over...When the CDC and DHEC are called in to our house, maybe someone will finally take my constant pleas for cleanliness seriously...They haven't gotten clued into the mask that I have been donning...perhaps it's because it muffles my blood curdling screams and my barking orders so they are pleased with that addition to my wardrobe...Again, I digress.

When I get that knock on the door, I will be wearing some great shoes and will have tidily boxed up my shoes for safekeeping before the state and federally-imposed implosion/explosion occurs...Or better yet, maybe I could leave some of the shoes in then soon-to-be-ashes house that are "on the fence" so to speak and replace them with bright, shiny and fabulous new ones...Like my friend Amy says, "The more shoes I get, the more I want." (Amy Fine Collins, contributing editor, Vanity Fair) Okay, we're not really friends but we share the same shoe philosophy and I am sooooo sure we'd be friends if say, I lived in NYC or LA and I was a fashion writer too and had gobs of Prada, Christian Lebouitton, Manolos and Jimmy Choos...(I actually held all of those said shoes while at Saks in NYC...it was a throat catching moment for me...proudly, I held it together though) So, I know Amy and I would be pals...

Well, my breath is getting labored from the mixture of smells of food sitting in the sink for a near record 3 days (notice that is not the record), smelly, wet socks that Nolan stepped out of in the middle of the floor and the piece-de-resistance...the pinacle of the "bouquet" if you will...a slight hint of the cat box that remains to be cleaned...and it's 2 rooms away...nice! Must.....go......get.....air.....