Yesterday I Had Cankles (GASP!)

No lie...I had worn these sassy Ann Taylor mules to work yesterday...as the morning progressed, the pain increased but in the words of Fernando, "It doesn't matter HOW you feel, just as long as you look good." Well, I took that to a whole other level...Jessica Simpson, those shoes were not made for walking...they were made for people with feet the size and width of Barbie's not small watercraft like mine are.

So I got home from work and promptly took the hellish shoes off of my feet and proceeded to go about the business of blogging, checking email, etc....for several hours. Mark then called me and said that a couple of people were meeting after work and wanted us to come out with them and I gladly agreed...(People actually want to hang with us? WOW!) As he pulled into our driveway to pick me up for our night out, I started to put my shoes on and GASP! I looked at the devilish footwear along with my calves and ankles...cankles had appeared where they used to be and my feet had turned into big fleshy pillows the size of a professional football...I literally stuffed my feet into those pointy-toed nightmares and my feet were oozing out of the sides...

I opted to get the opinion of our usually gentler daughter and she looked at me feet thoughtfully and said, "Yeah, your feet are oozing out of the sides." NICE! I wore them any way...The other daughter would've said, "Uh, major oozing - DISGUSTING - and mom, you know you have cankles, right?" Double nice...

So I proceeded to go out with the co-workers with pillow feet, cankles and yes, my chipped front tooth...I swear I heard the soft sound of "Delieverance" playing in the background as we arrived...When my teeth turned purple it added that special little Southern touch...

UPDATE: Cankles have returned to ankles and calves this morning...The shoes (as sassy as they may be) will probably kicked to the curb.

65th and counting...

So this is my 65th entry in my blog...and still no word from Jen...I've all but given up hope...(heavy sigh - literally and figuratively...haven't exercised in MONTHS!)...

So I sneaked a peek on my shoe calendar and my man MB has a wonderful quote that was posted on the calendar (for this weekend)...(we have nicknames for each other...okay, maybe I have a nickname for him but I am sure he'd make up a cute one for me like "McSweetie"or "Ms. Thang" - I think that one's taken)...back to the quote:

"My shoes are not fashion, they are gestures." Manolo Blahnik

Manolo, shut up (in the words of Stacy London) Your shoes are works of art! Flawless...Did you know that he works without assistants or apprentices to design each and every pair of his thousands of designs! If that's not the work of an artist, I don't know what is...

So I found out about this cool charity today...Socks for Souls! (see on the side bar Soles4Souls which is another great one) They take new or gently used shoes and give them to people of all ages in developing countries and impoverished areas! A patient of ours works closely with this charity in Haiti and Central America...So the umpteen pair of shoes that I want to give away (shhhhhhhhhh - to make more room for new shoes - perhaps some Manolos...SUHWEET!) are going to go to a great cause...

But somehow, I am trying to picture someone wearing the lizard skin, round toed low cut boots that I have rarely worn...hmmm - he said any kind of shoes could be donated so I am going to put them in the pile! I have a couple of pair I have NEVER worn too and likely won't but I will feel better knowing that someone will wear them and love them! If you have any shoes (or socks) that you would like to donate, email me and I will be sure to bring them in for this great cause! I feel better already...Jen Schmen...I don't need no stinkin' Jen...This lifts me up!

(Okay Jen, if you read this, I don't really mean Jen Schmen...or stinkin' either -- it's just meant to add a little humor to the blog...I still heart you and can't quit you!)

Ta ta for now! Casey is playing her French Horn and I think a team of caribbou have gathered in my yard thinking it is a mating call!

Still No Word...Am I Desperate?

No call from Jen...I thought she'd call...no really, I thought she'd just email me by now...

Should I email her AGAIN? Does that make me appear desperate? I don't want to seem like I am too eager...like I don't have anything else on my calendar....

I should email her again and say, "Hey Jen...Wanted to just say, "Hello!" Well, if you email me back right away, I will have no time to respond because I am SWAMPED just like you so please let me know when you are going to subsequently email me AGAIN and I will check my busy calendar and make sure I can respond to you in a timely manner so as not to waste your time..." Sounds a little bit desperate, right?

....I am thinking, better yet, "JEN (stop) I AM DESPERATE (stop) WHEN ARE YOU COMING TO CHARLOTTE, NC (stop) MUST MEET YOU (stop) PARTY BUS WAITING (stop) WITH LOTS OF WHITE WINE (AND OF COURSE RED TOO) (stop) I HEART YOU AND CAN'T QUIT YOU -- MARY, YOUR ADORING FAN, & HER FRIENDS (stop)" Is this so Western Union? Morse code?

Bottom line is - Jen, get your ever-getting-slender, blog-savy ass to Charlotte so we can pay homage to you and celebrate your accomplishments...and oh, take you on the Party Bus - you will love it!....

Jen Hasn't Called or Emailed Me...and I am CRUSHED!

And then the Dawgs lost the College World Series...crap.

I have the total Girl Crush...I TOTALLY LOVE Jen Lancaster - author extraordinaire - "Bitter is the New Black," "Bright Lights, Big Ass" and "Such a Pretty Fat" (you must read them!) I have sent her a couple of emails, even said I would charter the coveted "Party Bus" and take her out too if she would come to Charlotte to do a book signing (we still have my 40th birthday debaucle $200 deposit on the bus - still love ya Mark)...no response...I am completely devastated...am holding out a bit of hope that she will at least email me...even a "form/canned email" will do.

Jenny, I got your number...I want to make you mine...Jenny don't change your number...8675309... Okay that was very creepy - ahem, so I was a Tommy Tutone fan in the 80's ...I digress...

Jen, if you are out there, please call, email me, acknowledge my existence... to hell with that, just come to Charlotte! Please!

We will bring Reisling (I know it's your preferred drink - have you tried Liebfraumilch? It's very sweet and from Germany -- we can do Chardonnay too because I know you prefer white wines!) AND cupcakes...I am totally up on my Jen facts and will definitely hook a girl up!

Mea Culpa to the Better Half for MY DAWGS!

Uh...Apparently AFTER my ranting and raving in the 8th inning last night......the Dawgs won! (My bulldawg tail is between my legs right now!) It was sweet victory but hello?...could they stack the runs before I go to bed (FUMING!) after my non-superstitous husband watched the game...BTW...I had watched the latter part of the game (Uh, gave up...maybe it's me?) ARGH!
I should've checked the score...

And latter part of the game tonight...ugh, chance are they won't win...double darn! But I will check the score later....

So meaculpa to Mark for yesterday - you might be our lucky charm now! Wear the shirt, those same grungy shorts and beers are in order too (they bring you luck according to our luck scale...) I am still not washing my "DAWG" shirts!

Lately Blogging is Like Jogging for Me

Although I love to write, blogging has turned into the equivalent of exercing which equals work to me which is why I have done neither for so long...My dad used to say I was allergic to work which could explain the incessant itching I experience when I have to pick up a broom or dust pan (maybe it's the gynormous dust cloud that is my house?) but it doesn't explain my nervous tick or the talking to myself...must find out what that is all about. Both haven't seemed to get in the way on my real full time job...or so our patients haven't let on...

Some wonderful shoe quotes I will leave you with before I have to get back to laundry before heading off to work this afternoon...wait...oh...is that a hive I see? No, I think it's two...Enjoy!

"You cannot put the same shoe on every foot." --- Publius Syrus

Those darned ancient philosophers were so smart...not only can you not put a left shoe on a right foot and vice versa (DUH!) some of us look great in Manolos and some of us not...(Did I tell you that I just bought a pair of great gladiator style healed sandals by Carlos Santana? They are awesome...I digress.)

"I don't know who invented high heels, but all women owe him a lot." Marilyn Monroe

I agree with the blonde. I love me some high heels (as a matter of fact, I pretty much wear heels all of the time). We do owe him a lot from a style perspective (and probably owe him a doctor's bill for our back problems too, right?) ha!

Now this one is a classic...

"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them, and you have their shoes." --- Frieda Norris

My girl Frieda is so clever...hot tail it a mile in someone else's shoes (preferably designer and expensive) and then tell her she is stuck in an '80s time warp and should really get some style, right? (Okay if anyone tells me that after walking a mile in my great shoes, expect to see the headlights of a speeding Suburban coming after you...)

In UGA news.... Georgia's baseball team is in the College World Series...we lost last night because Mark jinxed them...I told him to turn the game off because he was giving off bad kharma and he wouldn't...he bears the heavy burden of hexing them on their first game (and listening to me yell at him for making them lose the game by merely watching it in a Georgia t-shirt I bought for him when we lost horribly to Tennessee - HELLO? The unlucky shirt messed up their mojo)...I am going to have to pull out my lucky bulldawg shirt for the next few nights - I am not sure I will watch the game for fear of hexing it too but the lucky shirt will send off positive vibes to the team (and no, I am not going to wash it throughout the series, mustard stains or not)...