When Your 10-year-old Fouls Out of a Game...Dr. Phil Intervention Needed? It's the crappy shoes...

Being the Mother of the Year that you know I am, I was noticeably (yeah, right) absent at LM's basketball game today - and it was a playoff game, mind you... Well, my sweet little Muffin Man (he'd die if I told people I called him that -- WHOOPS! I just did!)apparently got into his opponent's territory (personal space, face, etc.) a few too many times and fouled out of the game (which he has been wearing like a proud badge of courage). Mind you, I can say with absolute certainty that my shouts of, "Kill the man with the ball!" and "NOLAN...N-O-L-A-N! Get your head out of your...Errr...the clouds" had no impact on his behavior, whatsoever...

So, we're talking about the whole game and he commented on being aggressive and then said, "Well, I got just a little carried away today…” (with pride and chest puffed out)...Now HERE'S THE CLINCHER....He pauses and says, “Well, you know I am my mother’s child!” WHAT? OH NO HE DIDN'T! Mark almost drove off the road he was laughing so hard. I said, “What? Where’d you hear that phrase and you think I am aggressive?” And he said, “MOM! Hello?!!!(then he backed off...WISELY) Uh, well, uh, you’ve been known to be.” Hmmmm...Thought to ask him if he drew blood from any of his opponents but thought better of it...Maybe he employed an atomic knee drop or a full Nelson? Didn't ask that either...Silently I hoped that his little 4 foot nothing body struck fear into the eyes of...well, other 10 year olds...Dr. Phil, what does that mean?

So I am convinced it's his cheap shoes that drove him to the agression...the tongues of the shoes have been so oppressive to him this entire season that he had to make multiple adjustments to the shoes EVERY game (along with the mouth guard that I was within a hair of adding Poly-grip to because he would not keep the thing in his mouth...I am dreading the "retainer" years...)...Back to the shoes...Remember the Will Smith song, "Parents Just Don't Understand?" (If you don't, please crawl back into your big boy/girl bed with the binkie because you are too young to get this!) Well, young Will asks for Adidas and his mom gets "Zips!"...That would be poor Nolan...though he's clueless and would wear Trader Joe's wine paper bags on his feet if I set them out for him....So, I got the "Champion" brand when we should have gone for the Air Jordans (or Ground Nolans)...Next year, he's going to so have THE shoes -- that has a mesmerizing affect on an opponent -- good shoes = good player...Ladies, we know that when we are amongst a bunch of women...FIERCE Manolos, you win, hands down...Payless or Target shoes...uh, these days, you still win hands down if you "work them." Have you seen the Isaac Mizrahi shoes at Target? SUHWEET! Okay, that analogy didn't work for women's versus kid's shoes...but for the kiddos, athletic shoes put that "Voodoo" vibe on the other team...trust me...Leaves the other kids shaking in their mom-should've-bought-them-the-other-brand-shoes...I digress...

So now, I am listening to male friend of daughter (still trying to come up with a cute nickname for him...have run into a wall on that one -- help me people!)play guitar and attempt to sing (is repeatedly clearing his throat as if that will help)...Love the "Green Day" but if I hear "Time of My Life" (by him) again (I hear it at least, oh, 50 times a day!), I am going to show him green by face planting him in our front yard...which is actually red (clay) and NOT green at the moment but you get my point...Not so sure what shoes he is wearing but perhaps it is constricting the blood flow to his brain, causing him to play the same song incessantly...until now...he's experiencing intermittent spouts of other songs...will have to watch the shoe/song correlation...

As I close, "Smoke on the Water" is playing...may have to pull out the lighter or my old drill team routine to said song...EGADS..."Time of Your Life" is now playing...again and again and again....

Life is short, buy the shoes (the RIGHT SHOES...PLEASE -- NO ZIPS!)

Almost a Shoe Tragedy....

There was almost a crisis in shoe paradise last evening...The Zebra Print, Pointy Toed Birthday Shoes (gorgeous) almost went to the big shoe store in the sky. Background: Thinking that I would look sassy at the baby shower last night, I decided to don said shoes to the party...Great idea...if it weren't raining. But have no fear, Mark held the umbrella and walked me to my neighbors car and (phew!) crisis averted...Until after the party. It was raining and I had no umbrella so I made a mad dash into our house with wild abandon across the front yard...Every leaf, speck of dirt, ounce of red clay in Fort Mill appeared to be lured to my shoes like moths to a flame. I figured I would let said clumps dry overnight and try to peel them off this morning...Bad idea...especially on the red clay part. But before you start mourning the death of one of the most beautiful uses of animal hair possible, I cleaned them...and cleaned them...and cleaned them. And I think those shoes have been ressurected from what would sure be the most tragic of shoe deaths. Just don't look too close when I wear those shoes...

Life is short, buy ten pair...enjoy the weekend and wear great shoes!

A GIRL NEEDS A GOOD PURSE AND SHOES, NO MATTER HER AGE, RIGHT?

Just got back from Babys-R-Us…(whoops...the name slipped)...Resisted the urge to visit Target and/or DSW for me (I am learning restraint even though my car almost went into auto-pilot in the parking lot and headed due east to right outside DSW)…Okay, was supposed to just get a gift card for little miss princess, right? A substantial gift card none-the-less...

Well, I saw the most adorable size 2 tennis shoes - I know it, please take the time to say, "Awwwwww....how sweet!" They are precious...they have hip bright bow prints on them - the bows are lined with silver stitching...AND they have zippers and a heart on the zipper “tag”…had to get them….A girl, no matter what her age, needs at least one pair of fabulous shoes…got the gift card (did I mention SUBSTANTIAL) and the shoes...Really was looking for some animal print stilhettos in size 2 but apparently those aren't available at the moment...I digress...

So then, I go to the Hallmark Gold Crown store (not a Crown Royal store even though it is five o'clock somewhere, right?)…Looked for wrapping paper when there it was…(yes you do hearing angels singing in the background...it was a fuzzy purse/gift bag (pink) that says “Tickled Pink”…a girl no matter what her age needs a great purse, right? And it was a bargain - two in one – a gift bag that doubles as a purse, right? So I got that too…and a cute card that wasn’t part of the same “line” but said “Tickled Pink” too…to break up the pastel and add a little additional “zip” to the packaging, I bought fuchsia, pale pink, bright green and orange striped tissue paper to put in the purse (which by the way, has satin ribbon handles…so sweet!)…I am feeling like the super star of gift giving right at the moment if I do say so myself...

Okay, so I almost went into baby longing mode when I snapped myself out of it...Perhaps it was my looking due East at DSW when I realized how much money I just spent on a yet-to-make-her-debut-little-bundle-of-soon-to-be-designer-wearing fairy princess! REALITY CHECK: I have TWO 15 year old daughters so I know what little witches those cute, sweet, innocent baby girls can turn into…All of Mark's pain and suffering (BOTH TIMES...another story) seems all well worth it at the moment...

I HATE SHOPPING!!!!!!!!!

Pick your jaw up from the floor...I hate shopping...for anyone BUT ME! Okay, and I only like to shoe shop for me (don't like to shop for clothes because of the girth at the moment...egads!) But still...how selfish I am, right? I am having to peel my rapidly expanding posterior region off of my office chair to go shop for (GASP!) someone else...like an unborn baby (she's going to be so sweet and she's registered at two stores)...I am going to a baby shower this evening and have lost track of time and realized this morning that I had gotten nothing for the party...and, GASP!, I have to go to a store that I have not been to in about 10 years or so...THANK GOD!

I think the trauma of receiving baby gifts for wedding gifts 15+ years ago marred me for life(okay, hold your horses there you all...Casey was born 10+ months after I was married)....Uh, my sister went into said Baby Store that I am visiting this afternoon (the "sister" store of the nightmare Toy Store that we parents have to brave every Christmas...I shudder to think of that)So, a few months after my wedding she goes into said baby shop and innocently said, "I am here to pick up some wedding gifts for my sister." Clerk's response? TOTAL SHOCK...in conservative Georgia mind you...Well, she was compelled to explain that I was married in early March and was delivering in late January...you do the math...And now I am wondering, why did both of my sisters not get my wedding gifts before my wedding???...hmmmm. I am thinking they inherited the procrastination gene like I did(hence my getting a gift the day of the baby shower)...

Back to MY story (It's all about me, right?)....Egads, all I remember is I got GREAT wedding gifts from the store (Pack-N-Play, etc.)....So now I have to go there again today and guess what? Thankfully I DON'T have anything to buy for myself....except if they have oversized clothes...which I can wear...for no reason except I just turned "middle-aged" (Nolan's terms) and the weight seems to be adhering itself around my mid-section like Velcro...

Off to shop (UGH!) ... There is a Target nearby though...hmmmm! Better yet...A HUGE OUTLET SHOE STORE...This shopping trip is taking a positive turn!!!

Forgot to tell you...

Uh, the SHOE OF THE WEEK shoes were $19.99 (Dillards...marked down from a gajillion dollars...bought this with a cute, sassy pair of mules --- with zippers...I get teary-eyed -- both were HUGE bargains....) Almost passed them by but but the incredible SHOE MAGNET from the sky lured me in......You'll see the Zipper Mules soon...

Do you see the new picture below and my advice? I definitely "married up!"

My Kindred Spirit AND SHOE OF THE WEEK

I have found someone who thinks like me, talks like me (in my brain...not out loud of course...I am a "lady" - okay friends, DO NOT LAUGH OUT LOUD) and is hilarious like me (well, I'd like to think that I am...my inner narcissist tells me I cause belly laughs with my quick wit...Okay, that's a bit over the top but I'd like to think it's true)...

Jen Lancaster (as in Amish Country or LANK-UH-STER as in just-down-the-road South Carolina...) - She is flippin' HILARIOUS...double over, fall off the chair, cough-inducing hysterical! I am reading (just started today) "Big Lights, Big Ass" (for all of you pull-up wearing "kids" go to bed...this is not G-rated!)...This is her follow up to "Bitter is the New Black" -- We have so many things in common...our love of Cabrini Green (the Chicago "hood" of "Good Times" fame...I got caught there one time...long story), great shoes, stores and clothes (Trader Joe's, Target, Prada...) AND making fun of ourselves...I seriously think that she is ME in Mid-western form....check out her website at www.jennsylvania.com. She calls herself "Governor of Jennsylvania" and my uncle was the Governor of Pennsylvania...coincidence? I THINK NOT! I so want to write a book like her...I've been laid off like her...Didn't make as much money as her but have had similar experiences, nonetheless...I can ramble aimlessly just like her...She's my age (ahem, in Nolan's words now "middle-aged"), she went to Purdue (I think the Boilermaker sweatshirt was the first college sweatshirt I had believe it or not - Pop got it on a business trip)...Her husband's nickname is "Fletch" -- I love that movie...memba it? Again, coincidence? I THINK NOT...Okay, I digress...

SHOE OF THE WEEK

So you're wondering about the Shoe of the Week (okay, humor me...pretend like you are wondering!) Well, it is SUPER relevant...Jen (we're on a first name basis.....in my mind) makes many references to the show "Sex and the City." (HELLO? I have SEC and the City on my blog - look right!) I have watched a few episodes before I had to have the premium cable package cancelled during my single mom days...the ex told me how hilarious the show was...hey, wait a minute! He had the premium package and I couldn't afford it? How did that happen??????...No comment...again, I digress! Well, Mark and I went to NYC on our First Anniversary...LOVED every minute of being in the city. I rejected his advice to wear the "sensible" (aka - ugly-ass MOM shoes)walking around the city - I was going to be Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and whatshername all in one....I wore these shoes instead and felt like the fierce diva...until we hit Central Park...and I had HUGE, BILLOWING, QUARTER-SIZED blisters on the back of my heels...had to stop in a drug store and perch my BIG ASS (reference to the book) inside a stoop to put band-aids on my heels...and proceeded to wobble around the City (in agony) until we reached Times Square and could stand it no longer...I bought (GASP)HOT PINK DR. SCHOLL'S SHOES...they weren't the epitome of fashion but my arches got their proper work-out...And, I ended up having to wear liquid band-aids and my strappy sandals to "The Lion King"....

What I remember the most from this experience is asking Mark why the ladies on Sex in the City could wear 4-inch heels and not experience the excruciating pain and blisters that I had...His response? "Mary....they take cabs!" Go figure!

If the shoe fits, wear it! Have a great week!

PS - Be sure to check out SEC and the City....(again, right side of the page)...Pop is a "ROCK STAR"!