When Your 10-year-old Fouls Out of a Game...Dr. Phil Intervention Needed? It's the crappy shoes...

Being the Mother of the Year that you know I am, I was noticeably (yeah, right) absent at LM's basketball game today - and it was a playoff game, mind you... Well, my sweet little Muffin Man (he'd die if I told people I called him that -- WHOOPS! I just did!)apparently got into his opponent's territory (personal space, face, etc.) a few too many times and fouled out of the game (which he has been wearing like a proud badge of courage). Mind you, I can say with absolute certainty that my shouts of, "Kill the man with the ball!" and "NOLAN...N-O-L-A-N! Get your head out of your...Errr...the clouds" had no impact on his behavior, whatsoever...

So, we're talking about the whole game and he commented on being aggressive and then said, "Well, I got just a little carried away today…” (with pride and chest puffed out)...Now HERE'S THE CLINCHER....He pauses and says, “Well, you know I am my mother’s child!” WHAT? OH NO HE DIDN'T! Mark almost drove off the road he was laughing so hard. I said, “What? Where’d you hear that phrase and you think I am aggressive?” And he said, “MOM! Hello?!!!(then he backed off...WISELY) Uh, well, uh, you’ve been known to be.” Hmmmm...Thought to ask him if he drew blood from any of his opponents but thought better of it...Maybe he employed an atomic knee drop or a full Nelson? Didn't ask that either...Silently I hoped that his little 4 foot nothing body struck fear into the eyes of...well, other 10 year olds...Dr. Phil, what does that mean?

So I am convinced it's his cheap shoes that drove him to the agression...the tongues of the shoes have been so oppressive to him this entire season that he had to make multiple adjustments to the shoes EVERY game (along with the mouth guard that I was within a hair of adding Poly-grip to because he would not keep the thing in his mouth...I am dreading the "retainer" years...)...Back to the shoes...Remember the Will Smith song, "Parents Just Don't Understand?" (If you don't, please crawl back into your big boy/girl bed with the binkie because you are too young to get this!) Well, young Will asks for Adidas and his mom gets "Zips!"...That would be poor Nolan...though he's clueless and would wear Trader Joe's wine paper bags on his feet if I set them out for him....So, I got the "Champion" brand when we should have gone for the Air Jordans (or Ground Nolans)...Next year, he's going to so have THE shoes -- that has a mesmerizing affect on an opponent -- good shoes = good player...Ladies, we know that when we are amongst a bunch of women...FIERCE Manolos, you win, hands down...Payless or Target shoes...uh, these days, you still win hands down if you "work them." Have you seen the Isaac Mizrahi shoes at Target? SUHWEET! Okay, that analogy didn't work for women's versus kid's shoes...but for the kiddos, athletic shoes put that "Voodoo" vibe on the other team...trust me...Leaves the other kids shaking in their mom-should've-bought-them-the-other-brand-shoes...I digress...

So now, I am listening to male friend of daughter (still trying to come up with a cute nickname for him...have run into a wall on that one -- help me people!)play guitar and attempt to sing (is repeatedly clearing his throat as if that will help)...Love the "Green Day" but if I hear "Time of My Life" (by him) again (I hear it at least, oh, 50 times a day!), I am going to show him green by face planting him in our front yard...which is actually red (clay) and NOT green at the moment but you get my point...Not so sure what shoes he is wearing but perhaps it is constricting the blood flow to his brain, causing him to play the same song incessantly...until now...he's experiencing intermittent spouts of other songs...will have to watch the shoe/song correlation...

As I close, "Smoke on the Water" is playing...may have to pull out the lighter or my old drill team routine to said song...EGADS..."Time of Your Life" is now playing...again and again and again....

Life is short, buy the shoes (the RIGHT SHOES...PLEASE -- NO ZIPS!)