Out of Practice...

So I pledged to myself that I would attempt to blog every day...at a minimum, every other day...Well, like my pledge to diet and pledge to exercise and pledge to be kind to others and pledge to not judge others when they have SEVERE shoe and/or fashion emergencies, that pledge has gone by the wayside...

So I will blog when I can (and that is more not than often...)

Shoe quotes:

"Some of us are boot girls. Others - The Goody Two-shoes of this world - are not." Catherine Wilson, Harper's Bazaar

I am obviously not a Goody Two-shoes girl. Who'da thunk that, right? I LOVES me some boots!

"The best compliment anyone could pay me is that they wore my shoes to death." Patrick Cox

Most people aspire to be President...of a company, not THAT President. Who'd want to be that in these days and times, right? Or maybe they aspire to be an acclaimed writer...or the developer of a cure for a currently incurable disease. Me? Shoe designer or clothing designer TOPS my list...Shallow as it may sound, it is my desire to provide fabulous clothes and shoes for all to wear so they get TREMENDOUS compliments for their fashion acumen and thus, their self-esteem is raised and they will no longer need to visit their therapists and instead, use their money saved to invest in the US economy and help to conquer the country's deficit - thus stimulating growth world-wide. There you have it...I think I just solved the world's economic crisis. Would love for anyone to wear my clothes or shoes to death...Stabilizing the economy, world peace and a more fashionable planet, what more could you ask for?

Sporadic Blogging...A Good Thing or Not? Talk Amongst Yourselves...

Gator Hide Makes Some GREAT SHOES!

Well, my beloved Dawgs are down in J-ville playing the Rural Oscars (okay - Urban Meyers' team...get my joke? There is no opposite to Meyer or Mayer or Myer so I thought Oscar would get a good laugh)...Okay, I know - there are 100,000 comedians out of work and you get me, right?... Too bad....And, oh, GO DAWGS! We SO want to chew up some Gator tail this weekend! I want Tebow (he's gonna get the knee & 'bow today)to go down...Speaking of gator tails, have you ever had them? They are yummy by the way (or perhaps it is the sheer satisfaction of tearing into a gator makes it all that much better?) I digress...

I have two good shoe quotes for you today...again, all three of you. I am thinking this is becoming a personal journal for me and that no one really looks at this site...which is cool in a creepy kind of "I am talking to myself while a couple of other people observe" kind of way...OH WELL! Send me your diagnosis codes and the bill...I am trying to attain Jen Lancaster acclaim but have not had any success but am still trying anyway...Very sad...

Here goes with the quotes...

1972: The first woman falls off her cork sandals. Millions follow. Vogue

MY COMMENT: I have NEVER fallen down in cork sandals (the picture on the calendar is of a "healthy" wedge corked heel)...Okay, Ms. 1972, are you uncoordinated or what? Okay platform black sandals at a Motley Crue/Def Leopard concert in 2007 (or was it 2006)on a hill at Verizon Wireless Ampitheatre are another story...Thank GOD for my belt that Mark and Kelly (while Mark was in the bathroom) could hold onto so I didn't ski down the hill...What was I thinking? I wasn't and it was all about fashion by the way...cute shorts, an adorable pale pink Dave Matthews tank and the platform sandals...Okay now eeeeewwwwwwww! I shudder to think about the look (I had a great tan, I know, but that has a little bit of a redneck/hoochie vibe to it! It was tasteful/very appropriate at the time...I think?) I can only hope it was not too bad....

It's over for me. Here lies Carrie. She has two loves and lots 'o shoes.Carrie, Sex and the City

MY COMMENT: Here lies Mary (rhymes with Carrie - how weird is that?) She has ONE love (Mark - kiss, kiss hon!) and lots o' shoes (and purses and clothes and clutter and knick knacks and basic crap and oh, kids...um, I could go on with the list)...

Did I tell you I gave away MORE shoes...to a charity in Haiti...I am thrilled and feel so fulfilled getting rid of those shoes I don't wear (many of my shoes were unworn) AND I sent cleats, kids' tennis shoes, girls flip flops and all (Nolan, Casey and her buddy provided more shoes for those in need! They were ready and willing to contribute - makes me so proud!)...So now I am down to just 100 (or so) pair...I have not really replenished my shoe stash.(I did get a pair of tennis shoes since I was borrowing Casey's)..It feels pretty darn good...But I am itching for a navy blue pair o' shoes...Must....resist...urge!

Have a great weekend - Life is short, buy the shoes!

It Has Been Almost Two Months...

Since I have blogged last! My apologies to my adoring fans...all 3 of them! Life has been crazy!I am still in mourning that one in our fold is now at Clemson (how did that happen? - I did everything a mother could but alas, he went to the dark side...I can so empathize with Darth Vader's mom.) But I still love shoes and the Dawgs (#10 and playing Vandy today - it's Homecoming). Will be going on an overnight camping trip with the Cub Scouts this evening and of course am trying to figure out how to wear stylish shoes and be comfortable too (TO HECK WITH COMFORT)...Although, I don't want a repeat of the "Great Soccer Debaucle of '08" in which my stylish spiked heels got caught in the grass with a bunch of crazed 10-year-old boys kicking at me while I hyperextended my knee and earned my way to the orthopedist office...But I did continue playing after said injury occurred. I like to think of myself as being tough as nails. You gotta have style on the field though.

So I have some shoe quotes that I know you all have been waiting for...so here goes..

"If a boot doesn't make you feel sexy, it's not working." Stella McCartney, designer

...(and Paul's daughter)...I don't know Stella...I was feeling pretty un-sexy hobbling around Gold Hill's soccer field in the injury-inducing boots...But one dad pointed out I was doing a service and aerating the school's lawn and volunteering is pretty sexy so, yes, maybe my boots did that for me...Not!

"What's the rule that says you can only buy one pair of shoes at a time? I mean, it's so arbitrary." Sophie Kinsella, Shopaholic Takes Manhattan

...I never heard of that rule and you didn't either Mark.

"Wearing high heels to the ball made it fashionable to teeter and fall." French Poet

...Is is fashionable to teeter and fall say, in the grocery store? At a PTO meeting? On a Scout campout? Talk amongst yourselves...

"If the shoe doesn't fit, must we change the foot?" Gloria Steinem

...Okay, I am all for women's rights and all but hey, if the shoe doesn't fit, maybe your feet are too big? Maybe some foot taping is in order! HA!

AND FINALLY...

"Always wear expensive shoes. People notice." Brian Koslow

...I hate to admit it but I had to look up Mr. Koslow because I had not heard of him...He's an author and an entrpreneur and a pretty darn smart person in my opinion. I am with you Koslow! You can tell when someone is wearing Louboutin, Prada, Manolos...their feet look smoking!

Okay - I am getting the stink eye here because my wonderful husband is getting everything together for the campout and I am blogging...when I should be showering...have a soccer game to get to...what shoes should I wear?

So...

So, college football has officially started (TONIGHT!) and we've got games ALL over the place....I am TOTALLY PSYCHED! I am attempting to begin to commence to pledge that I will partake in no actions that will get me banned to the patio outside my house...by Mark...stating my actions are unbecoming of a parent...and send the wrong message to the kids...I'll try my best (I think the Florida game is exempt from this stipulation...) AM CERTAIN I have a major blip (e.g., HUGE SPIKE!) in the blood pressure from late August until January 1st (or 2nd through 10th when they STREEEEEEEEEEETCH the championship out - was last season NOT insane???)

Well, would like to impart a WONDERFUL quote from my friend (okay, I know his name) Andre Leon Talley, editor at large for Vogue...Here goes...

"Manolo creates visual poems for women's feet. Some women desire fabulous jewels; others think of his shoes as jewels for the feet."

Are you kidding me? WHO DOES NOT THINK MANOLOS ARE JEWELS FOR THE FEET? Visual poems?...they are the virtual tapestry upon which creativity is woven...(Note to self: Copyright that phrase)...Art...TOTAL art...beautiful art...

I sooooo love shoes!

P.S. -- People Magazine and Lucky Magazine have their "SHOE" issue this month...Check them out! Life is short...buy MORE shoes!

Fifth Grader for Sale and...Work and Home and Kids - oh my!

Okay, I am seriously thinking about hanging a "For Sale" sign on the fifth grader...you'd think he was an adolescent girl with all the whining that is going on with him....HELLO, 1998? I want my sweet, adorable, compliant, pleasant infant child back (who thinks I hung the moon, never complains and smiles at me incessantly)....

Work...and home...and kids, oh my! Work...and home...and kids, oh my! (Think: Lions and Tigers and Bears, oh my!...If you don't know what I am referencing, get those pull-ups on and go to bed right now Ms./Mr. Toddler...you are too young to get this and to be reading this...My life is a cycle of three things...Work, home (disrepair, cleaning, stench) and then the kids (disrepair, cleaning, stench)...no lie...I don't think I can remember when I actually have had a moment to myself lately...except for in the bathroom and ONLY when I have locked the door...it appears that a blinking "The Psychiatrist is In" sign is on my bathroom door...have finally learned that by turning that bronze doo-hicky on the door knob works wonders for my own sanity....

I am an exhausted mess right now as is my house...The hubby's birthday was one week ago today and I am still, up to this minute, scraping inches of fondant off of our stove that Jessa made to top his birthday cake...explains the teams of ants cheering at me when I edge my way to the stove (under the singed microwave) - somehow, they think it was a purposeful doing - like I wanted them to stay because fondant lasts...oh.... 1000 YEARS! HELLO????? ...the cheers quieted when they saw the industrial strength 409 I am wielding at my hip...I am convinced I need a jack hammer to get this crap off or perhaps a pressure washer...I will have this stuff off no later than Christmas - I am totally ambitious and optimistic...

So, today was the first day of school...no new shoes for the kids (they got them weeks ago so they could break them in and not appear to be totally uncool...)but I have some great shoe quotes from that AWESOME shoe calendar that I LOVE!

"Hi, I'm not here but my shoes are, so leave them a message." Carrie's answering machine, Sex and the City.Okay, enough said.

Perhaps I would add a "I'm not here and neither is my mind..." but other than that, this quote is perfection.

"High heels are pride and privilege, the passkey to decadence." -- Karen Heller

Karen, I agree with you...high heels are decadence (and probably wreck-a-dance too...have you ever been in gorgeous, but uncomfortable shoes dancing? That's sure to wreck that dance, right??? Instant cankles, blisters and piggy feet - ugly combination!)

"I much prefer being a man. Women have to spend so much time pulling themselves together, and their shoes kill your feet." --- Shirley Booth

Hmmmmm - love me some shoes regardless of the pain factor. Not sure about being the man thing - although would love more time to sleep in so maybe that wouldn't be so bad...But, there is something to be said about pain and having great shoes...who cares about the pain as long as your feet look good?

Am Waiting for the Next Shoe to Drop

So I basically have had the last 10 days from you know where...First of all, I get a call at 8:01 a.m. last Friday - first to the cell and then to the office phone which is never a good sign...A frantic Casey greeted me and said, "Um mom....there's been an accident." Four letter words flew through my feeble mind..."Uh, see, we were trying to fry churros on the stove and well, uh, a fire broke out and we called the fire department and everything is okay, we just threw water on it (SIDE NOTE: EGADS - on the ELECTRIC STOVE)...and so it went out, but then restarted, but then we got it out again...And well, uh, we kinda melted the microwave..." The EXPENSIVE(AND we got 50-75% off) stainless steel almost BRAND NEW microwave (it was maybe 4 months old)...okay at least no one was hurt, we are not being sued (from the family of Casey's friends who were at our home that morning) and the house did not burn down...wait a minute, safety aside, I'd love for this house to go up in flames so that we can start over again - the floor plan is horrible....oh well...Again, no one was hurt!

Fast forward to Tuesday (uh, 4 days later)...I get a pleasant invitation after work from Mark to go out to dinner with him and Jessa and the Green Day guitar-playing boyfriend, would Mexican food be okay, blah, blah,blah...On my way home, little did I know ANOTHER disaster was about to strike...Apparently, Jess had picked up a rock and was tossing it in her hands while they were outside waiting for me to come home from work...are you seeing where this is going? Uh, well said rock was accidentally hurled into the window of Mark's car (uh not the windshield - that according to SC law would be replaced at no cost...!*@#()%(@&(WD*A)*F! - could she have not hit the windshield?) and the window shattered into about 14,000 miniature shards of glass...and the hubby was cleaning up upon my return...for probably 45 minutes in complete silence (which ensued the entire evening!)...when the torrential rain storm hit...and we only had Scotch (TM - TRADE MARK) tape to seal the trash bag-donned window...I became the brain trust (scary) and recommended that we back the car in to shield the "vulnerable" side from the rain and horrible winds...well, thank God it worked...The window was replaced the next day (and was almost $100 less than we were quoted by another company...BUT IT WAS STILL EXPENSIVE - yet, there was a light to this story!)

So, other things happened to create the triumverate of things that are supposed to happen when you have bad luck so I chalked them up to that...

On a brighter note, Casey and Nolan arrived home safely from Edisto Island! I haven't seen Nolan for more than 6 weeks and he is 4 inches taller and probably 15 pounds heavier...he actually looks like a 5th grader now! I am walking on air to be with him...and Casey informed me she has a boyfriend (what?) He lives in Greenville and they met at camp but have just become an item "recently." THANK GOD he lives a couple hundred miles away...I am not ready for this!

Well, before I go upstairs to join them in a PS2 karoake game (I will SOOOOO BEAT THEM - although I am not successful on our Wii Guitar Hero), I must leave you with some great quotes...

"I like to literally put women on a pedestal." Vivienne Westwood, shoe designer

And girl, you do that and clothe them FABULOUSLY! My girl Gwen (uh, Stefani for your newbees) LOVES her some Vivienne...She is fantastic!

"It's really hard to walk in a single woman's shoes - that's why you sometimes need really special shoes!" Carrie, Sex and the City

Okay Carrie, I sorta remember your angst at being single (short-lived)...but, you can't compare needing special shoes to us working moms who are on our feet all day and then run around all night getting kids ready for school the next day, doing laundry, doing dishes, etc...need I say more? I am hoping that Manolo or Jimmy C will come out with an affordable, comfortable everyday wear shoe for working moms...okay, I am hopping off of my pedestal now...

Life is short, buy the shoes...Cheer on my Dawgs!

IS THIS A CRUEL JOKE?

WHAT???????????????????????? President Bush is pre-empting the Dr. Phil show TODAY OF ALL DAYS...on the one of two mornings I am off from work in the morning! And, it's a new episode too...

These things I know...

I know the economy STINKS.

I know gas prices SUCK.

I know the housing market is HORRIBLE.

I know that Mark and I don't make enough money to raise our ZOO.

I know we probably need to get second and third jobs to pay for their band activities, private lessons, COLLEGE, uh, can you say food and shelter?

Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac bail out...I know about it and I GET IT.

But what I don't know is what the result was of the smack down by the mom who wanted the registered sex offender out of her daughter's home...I AM ALL ABOUT THE DRAMA PEOPLE...Speak to me Phil...

Okay, I AM an admitted, capital "L" donning LOSER.

Does This Make Me A TOTAL LOSER?

That I am excited it is 10 a.m. and I think there is a new episode of Dr. Phil on this morning? Tuesdays and Thursdays are my late work days so I get to indulge in "the Doc" and "The View." I curse the TV when it's a rerun...

Now that I have told you why I am asking the above said question, it's totally rhetorical - you don't have to comment please.

Must go turn on the TV!

AM I OUT OF MY MIND?

Okay, don't answer that question.

We are adding to our "zoo." Upon Nolan's return from his whirlwind, travel-filled summer, he will be bringing home two...not one....TWO new pets. Sebastian and Herman will join our brood on the 26th of July. You guessed it - they are hermit crabs. The last one we had accidentally "baked" in our sun room after Jessa let him out to "exercise." Too bad he wasn't bigger or we'd have eaten him for dinner...Apparently the two have a "cat proof" cage...We'll see how that works for us.

Our cats have been known to knock over fish tanks..."Michael" and "Jordan" met their fate that way - I tried to resuscitate their dehydrated little bodies that were literally glued to Nolan's carpet. I thought that if I added a little water to them, they might spring back to life like one of those capsules that once you add water, they poof! become a sponge...okay, I had a MAJORLY blonde moment at that point but wanted Nolan to see his mom trying any measure to bring them back to life. After a brief tear (ha!) and flush of the toilet, he was all about getting a new fish...he'd moved on. It's pretty incredible that Swimmy is still alive after surviving in an inch of murky water when Nolan has forgotten to clean his tank...

Anyhoo, now our zoo will include two dogs, two cats, two hermit crabs, one fish and four (make that 5) kids...The 5th kid just happens to be almost 48...

Am I crazy or what? No wonder I find solace in shoes...mindlessly admiring them in my closet each day as I rock back and forth in the fetal position...

Oh, great quote..."Shoes are the foundation of all fashion." Anonymous

Are you kidding me? ANONYMOUS, SHNONYMOUS...I say that every day! I think I should get some residual money for them using my quote and publishing it on that fabulous shoe calendar of theirs, don't you think? It would help to pay for all of our pet food, pet toys and stuff...BTW, are there toys for hermit crabs?

I wrote a book and where is this blog going...discuss amongst yourself!

This weekend, I wrote a "book." Actually a sequel...My niece Olivia wrote a book for me to illustrate entitled, "Pink Bunny Bakes a Cake." She had added artwork of her own and in order to maintain the integrity of her original masterpiece, I wrote a sequel for her to illustrate. (I didn't want to mess up her work...) Guess what I named the book? "Pink Bunny Goes Shopping!" It is so cute...Pink Bunny gets a new purse and shoes from her Mimi and Nonnie Bunnies - and CASH - and she goes shopping and buys cool things and then doesn't have enough money to buy what she really wants - a cake mix and icing so she can make another cake with her Mommy. Of course, her mom being brilliant and all, figures it out and stops by the Hare-is Totter (get it ladies?) and buys a cake and so now not only does Pink Bunny have fabulous shoes, a fabulous purse, new jewelry, a fancy new dress, she also gets a chance to bake another beautiful cake with her mom...It was fun to write but unfortunately I can't print it out because our printer is broken...heavy sigh...

And where is this blog going? I have no idea! I am seriously thinking about trying to lure advertisers to this blog...do you think that would work? Who would purchase ad space for a little known blog out of Fort Mill, SC, right? Well, I say it's worth a shot...

There are plenty of shoe sites - 6pm.com, zappos.com, shoes.com, bluefly.com...you name it, they are out there...It may be a pipe dream (what exactly does that mean? Enlighten me, someone - a hooka pipe? Party vile-o-crack pipe?) Pipe dream or not, I am determined to make this work...

Okay, this entry was totally random so I need to bring this back around with a great shoe quote from my wonderful shoe calendar (a shout out to Sharon again for the great gift!!!)

"Sometimes when Suze (I don't know who she is so don't ask) isn't at home, I open my wardrobe and just stare at all my pairs of shoes, like some mad collector." Sophie Kinsella, "Shopaholic Takes Manhattan" I suspect that Suze is in the book that I have yet to read but I have heard it's a great read...

I stare at my shoes a lot too...like a mad collector...I get it Sophie.

SHAMELESS PROMOTION OF MY BLOG...

Okay loyal blog visitors...did you know you could "subscribe" to this blog's updates? Scroll down to the bottom of the page and sign up for the updates - actually, it is sort of at the bottom of the page! Just above the Shoe Trivia section....You won't have to wait for my emails updating you that I have updated the blog - you will already know that I have done so... Please...I am desperate...

Is this totally shameless or what? Don't answer that question - it was totally a rhetorical question...Of course it is shameless!

(I can't believe I am begging for visitors...okay, feed my ego peeps!)

FLAGS AT HALF STAFF - A GREAT ONE HAS PASSED

From The Atlanta Journal-Constitution Published on: 06/28/08
ATHENS — The following is a statement issued by the University of Georgia on the death of its mascot, Uga VI:

The University of Georgia's beloved and Churchillian English bulldog mascot Uga VI died peacefully Friday night in Savannah of congestive heart failure after serving nine seasons on the sidelines as the Bulldogs' winningest mascot.night in Savannah of congestive heart failure after serving nine seasons on the sidelines as the Bulldogs' winningest mascot.

Uga VI, owned by Savannah attorney Frank W. "Sonny" Seiler, was the heaviest in the line of six solid-white English bulldogs to serve as UGA's mascot since Uga I became a Georgia football game fixture in 1956.

"He was a good one," Seiler said. "What can I say? He had a marvelous record. He was a very strong and healthy dog. He was the biggest of all the dogs, and he had the biggest heart. It just played out."

Seiler noticed Uga VI was breathing heavily shortly after arriving home from work on Friday evening. He was taken to Dr. Stanley Lester, the family's veterinarian, who consulted with Dr. Bruce Hollett at the University of Georgia's College of Veterinary Medicine before Uga VI passed away.

"I noticed he had a little congestion in his throat, which usually is not cause for alarm," Seiler said. "I gave him a bath, which he always loved, to cool him off. After that, I called Dr. Lester, whose office is about a four-minute drive from our house. His heart just played out. He suffered no pain and died peacefully."

A successor to Uga VI will be announced by the Seilers and the Athletic Association at a later date; however, the Seilers stated that the lineage is secure.

Uga VI, who would have turned 10 on July 22, will be buried in a marble vault in the Southwest corner of Sanford Stadium with his predecessors. The private ceremonies are expected to be held early next week.

"This is a very sad day for the entire Bulldog Nation," Director of Athletics Damon Evans said. "Uga has always been such a strong figure associated the University of Georgia nationwide. Uga VI was a damn good mascot and a damn good dog. He was an outstanding representative of our fine institution. While this is a sad day for all Bulldog fans, our condolences especially go out to the Seiler family."

"UGA VI served with extraordinary courage and heart as a beloved University of Georgia mascot," University of Georgia President Dr. Michael F. Adams said. "He was a true symbol of the toughness and competitiveness of our athletic teams, and was a rallying figure for the entire Bulldog Nation. We extend sympathy to the Seilers for the loss of a dear family pet and a great campus mascot who will be missed and remembered by UGA alumni and friends everywhere."
The Georgia football teams compiled an 87-27 record during Uga VI's tenure, which officially began in 1999 with pre-game ceremonies prior to the South Carolina game in Athens. The Bulldogs captured both the 2002 and 2005 SEC Championships and won six of eight bowl games over that span. Uga VI's record surpassed the mark of 77-24-4 of Uga IV.

All of Georgia's athletic teams enjoyed remarkable success during Uga VI?s reign. All told, 19 of Georgia's 35 national championships have been secured under Uga VI. Bulldog athletic teams also have won 35 SEC Championships. In addition, Georgia has recorded six top-10 finishes in the Director?s Cup, the annual all-sports competition ranking the nation?s top athletic programs.
Uga VI also was featured in countless national publications and television shows. Most recently, a documentary on the Uga lineage was produced for CSS TV by Jeff Eldridge.

Uga VI, who was only one year old at the time of his coronation, was the biggest of all the mascots weighing in at 65 pounds – more than 20 pounds heavier than his father – and like his forefathers was a solid white English bulldog. His registered name was "Uga V's Whatchagot Loran?" – a reference to the famous question of Georgia radio play-by-play announcer Larry Munson when communicating with sideline reporter Loran Smith.

Yesterday I Had Cankles (GASP!)

No lie...I had worn these sassy Ann Taylor mules to work yesterday...as the morning progressed, the pain increased but in the words of Fernando, "It doesn't matter HOW you feel, just as long as you look good." Well, I took that to a whole other level...Jessica Simpson, those shoes were not made for walking...they were made for people with feet the size and width of Barbie's not small watercraft like mine are.

So I got home from work and promptly took the hellish shoes off of my feet and proceeded to go about the business of blogging, checking email, etc....for several hours. Mark then called me and said that a couple of people were meeting after work and wanted us to come out with them and I gladly agreed...(People actually want to hang with us? WOW!) As he pulled into our driveway to pick me up for our night out, I started to put my shoes on and GASP! I looked at the devilish footwear along with my calves and ankles...cankles had appeared where they used to be and my feet had turned into big fleshy pillows the size of a professional football...I literally stuffed my feet into those pointy-toed nightmares and my feet were oozing out of the sides...

I opted to get the opinion of our usually gentler daughter and she looked at me feet thoughtfully and said, "Yeah, your feet are oozing out of the sides." NICE! I wore them any way...The other daughter would've said, "Uh, major oozing - DISGUSTING - and mom, you know you have cankles, right?" Double nice...

So I proceeded to go out with the co-workers with pillow feet, cankles and yes, my chipped front tooth...I swear I heard the soft sound of "Delieverance" playing in the background as we arrived...When my teeth turned purple it added that special little Southern touch...

UPDATE: Cankles have returned to ankles and calves this morning...The shoes (as sassy as they may be) will probably kicked to the curb.

65th and counting...

So this is my 65th entry in my blog...and still no word from Jen...I've all but given up hope...(heavy sigh - literally and figuratively...haven't exercised in MONTHS!)...

So I sneaked a peek on my shoe calendar and my man MB has a wonderful quote that was posted on the calendar (for this weekend)...(we have nicknames for each other...okay, maybe I have a nickname for him but I am sure he'd make up a cute one for me like "McSweetie"or "Ms. Thang" - I think that one's taken)...back to the quote:

"My shoes are not fashion, they are gestures." Manolo Blahnik

Manolo, shut up (in the words of Stacy London) Your shoes are works of art! Flawless...Did you know that he works without assistants or apprentices to design each and every pair of his thousands of designs! If that's not the work of an artist, I don't know what is...

So I found out about this cool charity today...Socks for Souls! (see on the side bar Soles4Souls which is another great one) They take new or gently used shoes and give them to people of all ages in developing countries and impoverished areas! A patient of ours works closely with this charity in Haiti and Central America...So the umpteen pair of shoes that I want to give away (shhhhhhhhhh - to make more room for new shoes - perhaps some Manolos...SUHWEET!) are going to go to a great cause...

But somehow, I am trying to picture someone wearing the lizard skin, round toed low cut boots that I have rarely worn...hmmm - he said any kind of shoes could be donated so I am going to put them in the pile! I have a couple of pair I have NEVER worn too and likely won't but I will feel better knowing that someone will wear them and love them! If you have any shoes (or socks) that you would like to donate, email me and I will be sure to bring them in for this great cause! I feel better already...Jen Schmen...I don't need no stinkin' Jen...This lifts me up!

(Okay Jen, if you read this, I don't really mean Jen Schmen...or stinkin' either -- it's just meant to add a little humor to the blog...I still heart you and can't quit you!)

Ta ta for now! Casey is playing her French Horn and I think a team of caribbou have gathered in my yard thinking it is a mating call!

Still No Word...Am I Desperate?

No call from Jen...I thought she'd call...no really, I thought she'd just email me by now...

Should I email her AGAIN? Does that make me appear desperate? I don't want to seem like I am too eager...like I don't have anything else on my calendar....

I should email her again and say, "Hey Jen...Wanted to just say, "Hello!" Well, if you email me back right away, I will have no time to respond because I am SWAMPED just like you so please let me know when you are going to subsequently email me AGAIN and I will check my busy calendar and make sure I can respond to you in a timely manner so as not to waste your time..." Sounds a little bit desperate, right?

....I am thinking, better yet, "JEN (stop) I AM DESPERATE (stop) WHEN ARE YOU COMING TO CHARLOTTE, NC (stop) MUST MEET YOU (stop) PARTY BUS WAITING (stop) WITH LOTS OF WHITE WINE (AND OF COURSE RED TOO) (stop) I HEART YOU AND CAN'T QUIT YOU -- MARY, YOUR ADORING FAN, & HER FRIENDS (stop)" Is this so Western Union? Morse code?

Bottom line is - Jen, get your ever-getting-slender, blog-savy ass to Charlotte so we can pay homage to you and celebrate your accomplishments...and oh, take you on the Party Bus - you will love it!....

Jen Hasn't Called or Emailed Me...and I am CRUSHED!

And then the Dawgs lost the College World Series...crap.

I have the total Girl Crush...I TOTALLY LOVE Jen Lancaster - author extraordinaire - "Bitter is the New Black," "Bright Lights, Big Ass" and "Such a Pretty Fat" (you must read them!) I have sent her a couple of emails, even said I would charter the coveted "Party Bus" and take her out too if she would come to Charlotte to do a book signing (we still have my 40th birthday debaucle $200 deposit on the bus - still love ya Mark)...no response...I am completely devastated...am holding out a bit of hope that she will at least email me...even a "form/canned email" will do.

Jenny, I got your number...I want to make you mine...Jenny don't change your number...8675309... Okay that was very creepy - ahem, so I was a Tommy Tutone fan in the 80's ...I digress...

Jen, if you are out there, please call, email me, acknowledge my existence... to hell with that, just come to Charlotte! Please!

We will bring Reisling (I know it's your preferred drink - have you tried Liebfraumilch? It's very sweet and from Germany -- we can do Chardonnay too because I know you prefer white wines!) AND cupcakes...I am totally up on my Jen facts and will definitely hook a girl up!

Mea Culpa to the Better Half for MY DAWGS!

Uh...Apparently AFTER my ranting and raving in the 8th inning last night......the Dawgs won! (My bulldawg tail is between my legs right now!) It was sweet victory but hello?...could they stack the runs before I go to bed (FUMING!) after my non-superstitous husband watched the game...BTW...I had watched the latter part of the game (Uh, gave up...maybe it's me?) ARGH!
I should've checked the score...

And latter part of the game tonight...ugh, chance are they won't win...double darn! But I will check the score later....

So meaculpa to Mark for yesterday - you might be our lucky charm now! Wear the shirt, those same grungy shorts and beers are in order too (they bring you luck according to our luck scale...) I am still not washing my "DAWG" shirts!

Lately Blogging is Like Jogging for Me

Although I love to write, blogging has turned into the equivalent of exercing which equals work to me which is why I have done neither for so long...My dad used to say I was allergic to work which could explain the incessant itching I experience when I have to pick up a broom or dust pan (maybe it's the gynormous dust cloud that is my house?) but it doesn't explain my nervous tick or the talking to myself...must find out what that is all about. Both haven't seemed to get in the way on my real full time job...or so our patients haven't let on...

Some wonderful shoe quotes I will leave you with before I have to get back to laundry before heading off to work this afternoon...wait...oh...is that a hive I see? No, I think it's two...Enjoy!

"You cannot put the same shoe on every foot." --- Publius Syrus

Those darned ancient philosophers were so smart...not only can you not put a left shoe on a right foot and vice versa (DUH!) some of us look great in Manolos and some of us not...(Did I tell you that I just bought a pair of great gladiator style healed sandals by Carlos Santana? They are awesome...I digress.)

"I don't know who invented high heels, but all women owe him a lot." Marilyn Monroe

I agree with the blonde. I love me some high heels (as a matter of fact, I pretty much wear heels all of the time). We do owe him a lot from a style perspective (and probably owe him a doctor's bill for our back problems too, right?) ha!

Now this one is a classic...

"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them, and you have their shoes." --- Frieda Norris

My girl Frieda is so clever...hot tail it a mile in someone else's shoes (preferably designer and expensive) and then tell her she is stuck in an '80s time warp and should really get some style, right? (Okay if anyone tells me that after walking a mile in my great shoes, expect to see the headlights of a speeding Suburban coming after you...)

In UGA news.... Georgia's baseball team is in the College World Series...we lost last night because Mark jinxed them...I told him to turn the game off because he was giving off bad kharma and he wouldn't...he bears the heavy burden of hexing them on their first game (and listening to me yell at him for making them lose the game by merely watching it in a Georgia t-shirt I bought for him when we lost horribly to Tennessee - HELLO? The unlucky shirt messed up their mojo)...I am going to have to pull out my lucky bulldawg shirt for the next few nights - I am not sure I will watch the game for fear of hexing it too but the lucky shirt will send off positive vibes to the team (and no, I am not going to wash it throughout the series, mustard stains or not)...

Trashy Stuff...and Shoes, of course

It has been a busy month between kids' school activities, work, the NYC trip (FABULOUS! The $795 Prada shoes with the carved heels were TO DIE FOR! No, I didn't buy them...Was considering the purchase but thought they may be a bit much for the office...I digress...) and the constant stepping over, around and under crap that has been strewn on our floor, on our counter tops and basically everywhere in the house. Apparently I the mother of the spawn of Oscar (The Grouch that is...the green one...in the trashcan...which my kids can't seem to find or hit....and that explains the green fuzz that mysteriously appears out of Nolan's ears and armpits - he gets that from his furry father...) Uh, those of you too young to remember Oscar, you are WAY past naptime...grab your binkie. Night, night!

Back to trash-talking...I am seriously considering paying for the cast and crew of "Clean Sweep" to come out here from California. And, I plan on making good use of my 1-800-GOT-JUNK gift certificate that I won at the high school bands' oyster roast auction...I wonder if they have a plastic bag large enough to encase the entire house and they can just haul it away...blow it up and start over...When the CDC and DHEC are called in to our house, maybe someone will finally take my constant pleas for cleanliness seriously...They haven't gotten clued into the mask that I have been donning...perhaps it's because it muffles my blood curdling screams and my barking orders so they are pleased with that addition to my wardrobe...Again, I digress.

When I get that knock on the door, I will be wearing some great shoes and will have tidily boxed up my shoes for safekeeping before the state and federally-imposed implosion/explosion occurs...Or better yet, maybe I could leave some of the shoes in then soon-to-be-ashes house that are "on the fence" so to speak and replace them with bright, shiny and fabulous new ones...Like my friend Amy says, "The more shoes I get, the more I want." (Amy Fine Collins, contributing editor, Vanity Fair) Okay, we're not really friends but we share the same shoe philosophy and I am sooooo sure we'd be friends if say, I lived in NYC or LA and I was a fashion writer too and had gobs of Prada, Christian Lebouitton, Manolos and Jimmy Choos...(I actually held all of those said shoes while at Saks in NYC...it was a throat catching moment for me...proudly, I held it together though) So, I know Amy and I would be pals...

Well, my breath is getting labored from the mixture of smells of food sitting in the sink for a near record 3 days (notice that is not the record), smelly, wet socks that Nolan stepped out of in the middle of the floor and the piece-de-resistance...the pinacle of the "bouquet" if you will...a slight hint of the cat box that remains to be cleaned...and it's 2 rooms away...nice! Must.....go......get.....air.....

10022-SHOE

So we're taking a trip to NYC next weekend...Just Mimi and us girls. We are compiling an agenda so that we (1) don't sleep all day because we will have no kids and (2) hit all of the FABULOUS spots that are New York...Which brings up 10022-SHOE.

It just dawned on me that the place upon which I want my ashes to be strewn is not on our list of things to see - of course we are doing the Wicked thing and we're going to do the Rockettes tour (did I tell you I have 2 cousins that were Rockette's? Obviously, those genes skipped me...) 10022-SHOE is the ZIP CODE of Saks Fifth Avenue's shoe store (the mere mention of Saks brings chills up my spine - Nirvana at its finest!) Mary Mc CANNOT (I repeat) CANNOT go to NYC without visiting this shoe lovers' mecca...I may even shed a tear...I am tearing up right now as I type...WHAT IF THEY HAVE A SALE RACK? (GASP!) My pocketbook is doomed...but hey, it's better to be penniless and have good shoes than penniless and be wearing Zips, right? (Thanks DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince)... NOTE TO SELF: Add SFASH to the list - that's short for Saks Fifth Avenue Shoe Heaven. My heart is pounding right now! I may even stake out the "section" that will be sprinkled with my presence upon my departing this world...I'll end up in a vaccuum in the janitor's closet but hey, for a mere moment, I will be one with the shoes...WOW, that is deeply profound...

I will leave you with this priceless quote...Actually, it is quite pricey..."With his world of fantasy rich detail, and extraordinary imagination, he destroyed the whole idea that diamonds are a girl's best friend. Manolo Blahnik's shoes are." Andre Leon Talley, editor at large, Vogue.
(TRUE THAT! You go Andre...Manolo's and Jimmy Choo's ROCK! And by the way, I still love me some diamonds)...

Remember: You can never have too many shoes or purses...

(Speaking of which, what shoes, purses and oh yeah, clothes am I going to pack for the trip to NYC? I have suddenly put myself into anxiety/panic mode...) Must...go...find...a...brown...paper...bag...

One month and twelve days...What's up with that?

It's been way too long and unfortunately, I have little time right now to be as verbose as you know I am capable of being...Did you know that you can "Google" Shoedawgshoe and entries actually appear? I am in awe...my tiny blog is registering in the blogosphere - SUHWEET!

The Pope's shoes will appear soon...just no time at the moment...should've been getting ready for a party but here I am...Actually, "D" is going to prom (GASP!) and I am waiting for him to come down donning his tux (with a red vest) -- I told him that I am rubbing off my UGA influence on him yet (black tux, red vest...red & black...NUHICE!) and he dashed my confidence saying that they had run out of orange vests (he's going to Clemson - another COLLECTIVE GASP!)...Glad red was his second choice - am thinking of patting him on the back with a sticker that reads, "I'd rather be a Bulldawg..." but don't know how I can pull that one off...

Will be back in full swing soon but wanted to leave you with some POWERFUL shoe quotes (and by the way, I am wearing my 40th birthday present to a 40th birthday party tonight -SHOES! sassy green, open-toed, studded, SUEDE (but cool to wear in Spring) 3 1/2 inch heals...they are smokin'....Mark is going to have to touch up the home grown French pedicure...okay, TMI...BACK to the quotes....

"If they are stylish, we feel stylish and to hell with comfort." Colin McDowell, Shoes: Fashion and Fantasy (AMEN, COLIN! Comfort Shmumfort...)

"If the shoe fits, it's too expensive." Adrienne Gusof (IS THERE ANY SUCH THING AS A SHOE THAT IS TOO EXPENSIVE, HELLO? Style RULES and food and shelter are overated!)

"Keep tight inside of them (the ruby shoes) - their magic must be very powerful, or she wouldn't want them so badly!" Glenda, The Wizard of Oz ---there is incredible magic in a pair of SASSY red shoes, right? Am going to see "Wicked" in a couple of weeks - maybe I will get insight into their magic (heck, that red magic works for me every time!)

"I don't want to feel a shoe. I want the shoe to become part of me." Daniel S. and Stephanie R. Sorine (Okay? Enough said!....and if the shoe becomes a part of me, I am open to considering surgical procedures to remove the pair from my feet...or not...if they are awesome!)

"I've spent $40,000 on shoes and I have no place to live? I will literally be the old woman who lived in her shoes!" Carrie, Sex and the City (Uh, she must've been listening to me...I have always said I will be the best dressed (shoes and all) woman in the unemployment line...)

LIFE IS SUPERB...Buy the shoes!

Erin Go Bragh, Quote of the Week and the Wizard of Oz!

An early Erin Go Bragh to you! My question is that if you were a boss, would you schedule a "team building" session on one of the most important holidays on the calendar - St. Patrick's Day? (Chicago and Savannah turn their rivers green for goodness sake!) Well, that's what happened -- St. Mark and I cannot go and see the U2 cover band at Amos'....darn!...because the boss is hosting go-cart races for the management team... And, so it means we have to celebrate St. Pat's a bit early (tomorrow!) Mark loves the corned beef and cabbage (the kids do too - go figure!) And, I make my famous Irish soda bread...an extra loaf is in order for Casey's World Geography class (they have had more cooking extra credits in this class than I EVER remembered in Home Ec!) Cead Mile Failte! Shlante!

Oh...AWESOME QUOTE OF THE WEEK by the DIVINE MISS M!

"Give a girl the correct footwear and she can conquer the world." --- Bette Midler

This is so true...shoes can empower you in the most unexpected set of circumstances...like today...

I wore my Timberland boots on the Cub Scout camp out today and literally conquered the torrential downpour and a tornado warning and a bunch of dads trying to live their "model" glory days...uh, by model, not GQ, I mean as in airplane, car or the like -- the dads built a rocket...err, I mean the kids built a rocket...AND, I packed, unpacked, packed and unpacked TOO MUCH camping gear today...(Okay weather turned to the very un-okay!) Which brings me to the question...Could I have faired better today with Dorothy's FABULOUS ruby red slippers than some clunky old skiing boots (even though in said boots, I was able to run through the woods, over roots, branches and slippery red clay?) I am thinking I could've done it in those fabulous sparkly specimens...Dorothy survived the twister and those creepy monkeys in those sassy, sequin-bedazzled heels...I survived massive pellets of rain, wind, overzealous dad/engineer wannabes and a bunch of Cub Scouts (a la creepy monkeys)...I'd so kick Dorothy's butt!

And now that I am thinking about it, mentioning the Emerald City, St. Pat's Day and the power of great shoes, I have a FABULOUS pair of green shoes that I got for my birthday that I will don on Monday...wishing I were at Amos' listening to the U2 cover band...So my plans on Monday? I will eat the left over soda bread and wail a mean "Sunday Bloody Sunday" as the kids watch and just shake their heads...(they will have green eggs and milk for breakfast by the way)...

Life is short, buy the shoes (in lots of different colors)...The luck of the Irish to you!

SHOE OF THE WEEK

Okay, these are sweet little numbers I bought approximately 1 1/2 weeks before giving birth to Little Man. At the time, they were THE MOST EXPENSIVE SHOES I had ever bought in my life (and I bought them for half price!) I bought these in an Italian Boutique shoe store in Charlotte at Phillips Place (girls, you know what I am talking about)...and these are Claudia Ciutti's...I deserved them...I worked up to the day he was born and I have never regreted dropping the dough whatsoever (and did I mention, I worked until the day I had Casey too...had I been working on a farm, I probably would've gone back to work immediately...in fabulous shoes)

Flashback to January 1998...I go into the store, country come to town and caught the suspicious glares of the staff...I am sure I was dressed appropriately and all but perhaps my round belly and puffy feet were a little alarming to sales clerks used to amaciated blonde bombshells that are 5 foot 10 and husbands are NBA or NFL stars...I spotted the shoes and immediately was lured by the animal print and their classic style (WHAT? ME? CLASSIC AND NOT TRENDY? Okay, I was working in a "corporate environment" - or at least they thought they were - and I thought these would "work it"...

Back to the stares and guffaws at said shoe store...my "plastic" worked and I carried those shoes like they were a piece of DaVinci artwork...I almost couldn't bear wearing them but I got over that quickly...Had a wonderful black pants suit with silver zippers that was fierce that looked awesome with those masterpieces -- it had a matching collar and cuffs that were the same print as the shoes...I resisted the urge to wear them too...Coco Chanel says the rule of thumb is to accessorize and then take off one piece so as not to go overboard...Well, I took off the collar and the cuffs...(technially three pieces)...

So I wear this fabulous outfit and the awe-inspiring shoes my first day back to work....Uh, did I tell you I got laid off the day I went back to work from maternity leave?...NICE! "Mary, we only have a part-time job for you now...(WHAT? How can I afford day care and parking in downtown Charlotte and great outfits and shoes that are required) To make matters more infuriating, did I tell you I worked from home for her from the day I got home - Little Man was 3 days old...up until 6 weeks when I darkened the doorway of the highrise office and then I went in only to be told I didn't have my old job back?-- I always have the GLOWING "SUCKA" on my forehead...This was my first layoff experience and I took it hard...I would experience another, by the way...So, I was wearing this fabulous ensemble when I was sobbing in the elevator -- Nolan at his first day of daycare (a dagger in my heart), Casey at pre-school and my raging hormones and wondering how we'd fare financially - not a good combination. But I didn't let the boss see me so much as sweat - she had a hugely inflated level of self-importance so I was not about to let that happen! I took my sassy self out of that office and never looked back....

And, I filed for unemployment (after being mortified about doing so but then remembered she'd have to pay for it and gladly did it...) Although I didn't have the Prada bag (Jen Lancaster), I wore my sassy suit, sweet shoes and towed my children (YES BOTH OF THEM...Nolan in a stroller and dressed in a matching outfit with Casey from Kelly's Kids - I am sure she had the obnoxious, coordinated hair bow to go with the outfit too) to the unemployment office. Their dad didn't want me to pay for daycare ("You can handle them...we're saving money." Uh, what about the therapy sessions that they both will have to go through having experienced such a trauma at an early age?...I am sure we will pay thousands for that day!) So a I schlepped them around for about 5-6 hours (yes HOURS!)...So Jen Lancaster, you say don't bring a Prada bag to apply for unemployment...I am with you and let's add, "Don't bring your children to the unemployment line with you..." Apparently, unemployment offices around the country do not take kindly to well dressed, fashion-obsessed people...But, I was fortunate enough to find a man who felt sorry for me and whisked me through the process (after 4 1/2 hours or so....)

WOW! Who knew shoes could conjur up such memories? Did I tell you the kids probably had on great shoes?...I am sure they did!

It's gloomy outside - break out the galoshes!

Love This Quote and BITNB!

Okay, my shoe calendar rocks! I so get this quote from this weekend:

"What is it about shoes? I mean, I like most kinds of clothes but a good pair of shoes can just reduce me to jelly." --- Sophia Kinsella, Shopaholic Takes Manhattan

You know they are making "Confessions of a Shopaholic" by Kinsella into a movie! MUST SEE! Am surprised I didn't recieve a ring for the casting call! It has nothing to do with my age I am sure.

Just finished "Bitter is the New Black" (BITNB for short) by Jen Lancaster. The book was an absolute riot! You feel a little bad about chuckling at her layoff, her financial demise and bad luck in general, but she makes it so darn funny! And, come to think of it, I can relate...

And as I have said before, she reminds me a lot of me...okay, her love of shoes and clothes remind her of me...although,not the preppy part - I went through the totally, over-the-top preppy phase earlier in my fashion career (Had "The Preppy Handbook" and loved it), I soon moved to a more edgy vibe (or at least I'd like to think - okay, humor me people)...I think she still is and will remain in the classic dressing, Polo-esque phase (I always have to throw in the trendy)...

And we have so many other similarities - Governor of Jennsylvania/Pennsylvania, she references SCRANTON in BITNB (Okay, it is a derogatory comment but hey - it's my birthplace and well, it's the home of The Office and well, SHE mentions it - I think I've been to that Howard Johnson's by the way) - we were both Journalism and Poly Sci majors (I also had a minor in literature) - we both were laid off at the same time as our husbands (boy, that is always a barrel of laughs, ain't it Mark?)...And, let's mention our penchant for weaving tapestries with words a la "The Christmas Story" - not really, she's got me WAY beat on that one (am working on that skill one teenager at a time)...really wish I had worn animal print shoes for my wedding like she did...but then again, I didn't wear black either so scratch that...And pearls - the big chunky ones, I love them too...don't wear them every day but I have them (actually they are my mom's and were my Nanny's...I kind of pilfered them after college and well, never looked back)...Oops - Sorry mom!

But, she doesn't like the Dave Matthews Band...GASP!....or Brian Adams (okay, that I understand)...she likes The Cure (now we're talking)...And Vanilla Ice (I give her credit for admitting that little tidbit...pssst, me too!)...Wonder if she likes Pearl Jam or Snoop or the Ohio Players or the Chili Peppers...OR U2, The Police, Aerosmith...Nine Inch Nails? (Did you hear they are releasing their album for free?...okay, I digress!)

Wish I could do the footnote thing on this blog so I wouldn't have to put my "asides" in paranthesis but I am sure that would be a copyright infringement...
I love her footnotes! You MUST read BITNB...Can't wait to get her new book "Such a Pretty Fat." OMG (using "Texty" lingo)...JUST ANNOUNCED TODAY (I feel like Perez Hilton) She's coming out with her fourth book in 2009 called "Pretty in Plaid"! WOW! Another MUST READ!

Hey cool! - my evil postwoman (or is that postlady?...well, she's not a lady - I prefer to call her "IT") actually arrived before 5 p.m. today! Did I tell you she ran over my luminaries on Christmas Eve? Sorry you had to work on the 24th Grumplestiltskin - just think of the big fat pension you are going to get when you retire -- Oh, by the way, why don't you retire you personality-less thing?...

AND, GET THIS... I had to chase her down (seriously...in my car...Mark had the foresight to follow me in his car because he didn't want me to appear on CNN...I don't think I had make-up on or good shoes and he knew I'd be upset if those images hit the screen)...She had the audacity to leave a notice in the mailbox that we had to pick up a package at the post office (she didn't drag her lazy...to the door and ring the doorbell -- I WAS HOME - isn't that it your job description "IT"?)- AND, it happened to be a birthday gift for little man that my sisters had paid $20 to overnight to him just in time for his birthday (don't mess with my little man)...I literally did an NYPD move on her, cutting her off from the next mailbox - I screetched to a halt in front of her, diagnally...okay, so I wasn't in a Crown Vic but I felt like "the law"(I was in the Suburban)...I'm sure she shook in her shoes when Mark pulled up behind her (in the tan mini-van)...Well, she leapt out of that Jeep in a heart beat and handed me the package...witch.

Well, the reverberations from the thumping of our oldest's car stereo system has
me thinking that I better rock on upstairs and do some laundry. I don't know what he is listening to but I am so going to sneak into his car to see what he's "down with" (am trying to brush up on my up-to-date lingo)...Up until maybe Fall of 2007, he knew no artists (okay, I use that term loosely) -
Seriously, a senior in high school and knew N-O-N-E...Everything became Nirvana to him (the only "cool" band he knew the name of...) "Uh, is this Nirvana?" "No Devon....It's the Beatles." "Uh, is this Nirvana?" "Uh, no Devon. That would be Bonnie Rait." "Uh, is this Nirvana?" "Uh, no Devon. This is AC/DC." You get the picture. What do you want to bet that he is listening to...Vanilla Ice?

Well my cell phone is ringing so I must run (Did I tell you I have a "Glory, Glory to 'Ole Georgia" ringtone? ...Angelic music to my ears!)

It's almost Spring - go buy those shoes!

Do You Think Insurance Will Cover?....

Insertion of a shoe into one posterior region of a 10-year-old? After 27 warnings (perhaps that is the problem), one particularly adorable decade old child was threatened within an inch of his life for singing/whistling annoyingly while doing his homework. Did I crush his creative spirit by doing so? Did I ruin his psyche? Is his self esteem shattered? Uh, how about his mother's sanity?...Now that's what we need to worry about...Actually, I am probably certifiable right now anyway but I was incredibly afraid that this may jolt me back to sanity again and frankly, insanity is much more fun!

Must remind myself to use a shoe that I am not particularly fond of...must be of a pointy-toed nature...darn...I love all my pointy-toed shoes...Maybe Mark has...uh, no. Hmmmm...Must peruse Off Broadway Shoes to see if they have any replacements for the pointy shoes selected for the crime...I mean, procedure...

He is currently acting like "Teller" of "Penn & Teller" fame...was banished to silence for an unlimited period of time (am thinking adulthood)...

FOOTNOTE: This entry is ShoeDawgShoe blog-worthy because it is shoe related by the way!

EDITORIAL NOTE...

Do you love that I am now archiving entries by the week and not month? This change took place today and I am really excited about it (uh, do you really care?) It makes the whole "ShoeDawgShoe" experience so much more pleasant...you have less to scroll down through on the home page...although I am beginning to realize how verbose I am with every entry I write - but that's me, alright? Take a look to your right! ... You can click on a week and read the entries by week instead of scrolling through an entire month! Okay, maybe I really do need to get a life...who knew this would be so exciting to me?

....Is your popcorn popped? The Oscars (UH FASHION) will be "on" shortly!

NOTE: Uh, apparently the "Juno" screenplay writer that used to don 5 inch clear plexiglass heels, if you catch my drift, is going to wear the "slippers" -- It appears PR does a movie good...

THE BIG NIGHT...SHOES AND FASHION GALORE!

The Oscars are this evening and if you are like me, you are trembling with anticipation to see who has won the Best Supporting Actress in a Foreign Subtitled Animated Feature...Huh? I am waiting for the fashion and the shoes! Did you know that the famed Cinderella Slippers have sparked controversy this year?...Apparently the writer of the screenplay, "Juno" was asked by Stewart Weitzman (love him!) to sport the new slippers (valued at $1M) at the ceremony this year...When she found out this was just a PR stunt (HELLO? HAVE YOU BEEN LIVING UNDER A ROCK FOR THE PAST 20 YEARS OR HAS YOUR INDIE "SPIRIT" (literally and figuratively) FOGGED - AHEM - YOUR MIND?) Okay, maybe I pay a little too much attention to all of the fashion hoopla...Am giddy with excitement anticipating Kojo's assessment of the winners and the losers...NOTE TO SELF: Must get a life.

I actually am in a bit of mourning ... missed the Fantasy Fashion League Live Oscar Strategy Session on Friday...I am sure I was busy eradicating world hunger, saving the Carolina Heelsplitter Mussel in Lancaster County (this is a serious issue here in the Lancaster/York County area - don't mess with our mussels) or ... doing laundry and cleaning up cat vomit on the rug in the office...they know how to pick the most difficult rug to puke on -- I think they observe me with warped amusement, scrubbing and gagging at the same time....

Happy watching tonight! What do you bet we will see some fabulous and hideous creations tonight? I cannot wait!

RANDOM FACT: Did you know that Bob Mackie (designer to the stars) actually designed all of the costumes on "The Carol Burnette Show?" Even the Scarlet O'Hara curtain-donning episode...You probably think I am so smart but Carol (we're on a first name basis) revealed that on Oprah last week...SECOND NOTE TO SELF: Get a life!

When Your 10-year-old Fouls Out of a Game...Dr. Phil Intervention Needed? It's the crappy shoes...

Being the Mother of the Year that you know I am, I was noticeably (yeah, right) absent at LM's basketball game today - and it was a playoff game, mind you... Well, my sweet little Muffin Man (he'd die if I told people I called him that -- WHOOPS! I just did!)apparently got into his opponent's territory (personal space, face, etc.) a few too many times and fouled out of the game (which he has been wearing like a proud badge of courage). Mind you, I can say with absolute certainty that my shouts of, "Kill the man with the ball!" and "NOLAN...N-O-L-A-N! Get your head out of your...Errr...the clouds" had no impact on his behavior, whatsoever...

So, we're talking about the whole game and he commented on being aggressive and then said, "Well, I got just a little carried away today…” (with pride and chest puffed out)...Now HERE'S THE CLINCHER....He pauses and says, “Well, you know I am my mother’s child!” WHAT? OH NO HE DIDN'T! Mark almost drove off the road he was laughing so hard. I said, “What? Where’d you hear that phrase and you think I am aggressive?” And he said, “MOM! Hello?!!!(then he backed off...WISELY) Uh, well, uh, you’ve been known to be.” Hmmmm...Thought to ask him if he drew blood from any of his opponents but thought better of it...Maybe he employed an atomic knee drop or a full Nelson? Didn't ask that either...Silently I hoped that his little 4 foot nothing body struck fear into the eyes of...well, other 10 year olds...Dr. Phil, what does that mean?

So I am convinced it's his cheap shoes that drove him to the agression...the tongues of the shoes have been so oppressive to him this entire season that he had to make multiple adjustments to the shoes EVERY game (along with the mouth guard that I was within a hair of adding Poly-grip to because he would not keep the thing in his mouth...I am dreading the "retainer" years...)...Back to the shoes...Remember the Will Smith song, "Parents Just Don't Understand?" (If you don't, please crawl back into your big boy/girl bed with the binkie because you are too young to get this!) Well, young Will asks for Adidas and his mom gets "Zips!"...That would be poor Nolan...though he's clueless and would wear Trader Joe's wine paper bags on his feet if I set them out for him....So, I got the "Champion" brand when we should have gone for the Air Jordans (or Ground Nolans)...Next year, he's going to so have THE shoes -- that has a mesmerizing affect on an opponent -- good shoes = good player...Ladies, we know that when we are amongst a bunch of women...FIERCE Manolos, you win, hands down...Payless or Target shoes...uh, these days, you still win hands down if you "work them." Have you seen the Isaac Mizrahi shoes at Target? SUHWEET! Okay, that analogy didn't work for women's versus kid's shoes...but for the kiddos, athletic shoes put that "Voodoo" vibe on the other team...trust me...Leaves the other kids shaking in their mom-should've-bought-them-the-other-brand-shoes...I digress...

So now, I am listening to male friend of daughter (still trying to come up with a cute nickname for him...have run into a wall on that one -- help me people!)play guitar and attempt to sing (is repeatedly clearing his throat as if that will help)...Love the "Green Day" but if I hear "Time of My Life" (by him) again (I hear it at least, oh, 50 times a day!), I am going to show him green by face planting him in our front yard...which is actually red (clay) and NOT green at the moment but you get my point...Not so sure what shoes he is wearing but perhaps it is constricting the blood flow to his brain, causing him to play the same song incessantly...until now...he's experiencing intermittent spouts of other songs...will have to watch the shoe/song correlation...

As I close, "Smoke on the Water" is playing...may have to pull out the lighter or my old drill team routine to said song...EGADS..."Time of Your Life" is now playing...again and again and again....

Life is short, buy the shoes (the RIGHT SHOES...PLEASE -- NO ZIPS!)

Almost a Shoe Tragedy....

There was almost a crisis in shoe paradise last evening...The Zebra Print, Pointy Toed Birthday Shoes (gorgeous) almost went to the big shoe store in the sky. Background: Thinking that I would look sassy at the baby shower last night, I decided to don said shoes to the party...Great idea...if it weren't raining. But have no fear, Mark held the umbrella and walked me to my neighbors car and (phew!) crisis averted...Until after the party. It was raining and I had no umbrella so I made a mad dash into our house with wild abandon across the front yard...Every leaf, speck of dirt, ounce of red clay in Fort Mill appeared to be lured to my shoes like moths to a flame. I figured I would let said clumps dry overnight and try to peel them off this morning...Bad idea...especially on the red clay part. But before you start mourning the death of one of the most beautiful uses of animal hair possible, I cleaned them...and cleaned them...and cleaned them. And I think those shoes have been ressurected from what would sure be the most tragic of shoe deaths. Just don't look too close when I wear those shoes...

Life is short, buy ten pair...enjoy the weekend and wear great shoes!

A GIRL NEEDS A GOOD PURSE AND SHOES, NO MATTER HER AGE, RIGHT?

Just got back from Babys-R-Us…(whoops...the name slipped)...Resisted the urge to visit Target and/or DSW for me (I am learning restraint even though my car almost went into auto-pilot in the parking lot and headed due east to right outside DSW)…Okay, was supposed to just get a gift card for little miss princess, right? A substantial gift card none-the-less...

Well, I saw the most adorable size 2 tennis shoes - I know it, please take the time to say, "Awwwwww....how sweet!" They are precious...they have hip bright bow prints on them - the bows are lined with silver stitching...AND they have zippers and a heart on the zipper “tag”…had to get them….A girl, no matter what her age, needs at least one pair of fabulous shoes…got the gift card (did I mention SUBSTANTIAL) and the shoes...Really was looking for some animal print stilhettos in size 2 but apparently those aren't available at the moment...I digress...

So then, I go to the Hallmark Gold Crown store (not a Crown Royal store even though it is five o'clock somewhere, right?)…Looked for wrapping paper when there it was…(yes you do hearing angels singing in the background...it was a fuzzy purse/gift bag (pink) that says “Tickled Pink”…a girl no matter what her age needs a great purse, right? And it was a bargain - two in one – a gift bag that doubles as a purse, right? So I got that too…and a cute card that wasn’t part of the same “line” but said “Tickled Pink” too…to break up the pastel and add a little additional “zip” to the packaging, I bought fuchsia, pale pink, bright green and orange striped tissue paper to put in the purse (which by the way, has satin ribbon handles…so sweet!)…I am feeling like the super star of gift giving right at the moment if I do say so myself...

Okay, so I almost went into baby longing mode when I snapped myself out of it...Perhaps it was my looking due East at DSW when I realized how much money I just spent on a yet-to-make-her-debut-little-bundle-of-soon-to-be-designer-wearing fairy princess! REALITY CHECK: I have TWO 15 year old daughters so I know what little witches those cute, sweet, innocent baby girls can turn into…All of Mark's pain and suffering (BOTH TIMES...another story) seems all well worth it at the moment...

I HATE SHOPPING!!!!!!!!!

Pick your jaw up from the floor...I hate shopping...for anyone BUT ME! Okay, and I only like to shoe shop for me (don't like to shop for clothes because of the girth at the moment...egads!) But still...how selfish I am, right? I am having to peel my rapidly expanding posterior region off of my office chair to go shop for (GASP!) someone else...like an unborn baby (she's going to be so sweet and she's registered at two stores)...I am going to a baby shower this evening and have lost track of time and realized this morning that I had gotten nothing for the party...and, GASP!, I have to go to a store that I have not been to in about 10 years or so...THANK GOD!

I think the trauma of receiving baby gifts for wedding gifts 15+ years ago marred me for life(okay, hold your horses there you all...Casey was born 10+ months after I was married)....Uh, my sister went into said Baby Store that I am visiting this afternoon (the "sister" store of the nightmare Toy Store that we parents have to brave every Christmas...I shudder to think of that)So, a few months after my wedding she goes into said baby shop and innocently said, "I am here to pick up some wedding gifts for my sister." Clerk's response? TOTAL SHOCK...in conservative Georgia mind you...Well, she was compelled to explain that I was married in early March and was delivering in late January...you do the math...And now I am wondering, why did both of my sisters not get my wedding gifts before my wedding???...hmmmm. I am thinking they inherited the procrastination gene like I did(hence my getting a gift the day of the baby shower)...

Back to MY story (It's all about me, right?)....Egads, all I remember is I got GREAT wedding gifts from the store (Pack-N-Play, etc.)....So now I have to go there again today and guess what? Thankfully I DON'T have anything to buy for myself....except if they have oversized clothes...which I can wear...for no reason except I just turned "middle-aged" (Nolan's terms) and the weight seems to be adhering itself around my mid-section like Velcro...

Off to shop (UGH!) ... There is a Target nearby though...hmmmm! Better yet...A HUGE OUTLET SHOE STORE...This shopping trip is taking a positive turn!!!

Forgot to tell you...

Uh, the SHOE OF THE WEEK shoes were $19.99 (Dillards...marked down from a gajillion dollars...bought this with a cute, sassy pair of mules --- with zippers...I get teary-eyed -- both were HUGE bargains....) Almost passed them by but but the incredible SHOE MAGNET from the sky lured me in......You'll see the Zipper Mules soon...

Do you see the new picture below and my advice? I definitely "married up!"

My Kindred Spirit AND SHOE OF THE WEEK

I have found someone who thinks like me, talks like me (in my brain...not out loud of course...I am a "lady" - okay friends, DO NOT LAUGH OUT LOUD) and is hilarious like me (well, I'd like to think that I am...my inner narcissist tells me I cause belly laughs with my quick wit...Okay, that's a bit over the top but I'd like to think it's true)...

Jen Lancaster (as in Amish Country or LANK-UH-STER as in just-down-the-road South Carolina...) - She is flippin' HILARIOUS...double over, fall off the chair, cough-inducing hysterical! I am reading (just started today) "Big Lights, Big Ass" (for all of you pull-up wearing "kids" go to bed...this is not G-rated!)...This is her follow up to "Bitter is the New Black" -- We have so many things in common...our love of Cabrini Green (the Chicago "hood" of "Good Times" fame...I got caught there one time...long story), great shoes, stores and clothes (Trader Joe's, Target, Prada...) AND making fun of ourselves...I seriously think that she is ME in Mid-western form....check out her website at www.jennsylvania.com. She calls herself "Governor of Jennsylvania" and my uncle was the Governor of Pennsylvania...coincidence? I THINK NOT! I so want to write a book like her...I've been laid off like her...Didn't make as much money as her but have had similar experiences, nonetheless...I can ramble aimlessly just like her...She's my age (ahem, in Nolan's words now "middle-aged"), she went to Purdue (I think the Boilermaker sweatshirt was the first college sweatshirt I had believe it or not - Pop got it on a business trip)...Her husband's nickname is "Fletch" -- I love that movie...memba it? Again, coincidence? I THINK NOT...Okay, I digress...

SHOE OF THE WEEK

So you're wondering about the Shoe of the Week (okay, humor me...pretend like you are wondering!) Well, it is SUPER relevant...Jen (we're on a first name basis.....in my mind) makes many references to the show "Sex and the City." (HELLO? I have SEC and the City on my blog - look right!) I have watched a few episodes before I had to have the premium cable package cancelled during my single mom days...the ex told me how hilarious the show was...hey, wait a minute! He had the premium package and I couldn't afford it? How did that happen??????...No comment...again, I digress! Well, Mark and I went to NYC on our First Anniversary...LOVED every minute of being in the city. I rejected his advice to wear the "sensible" (aka - ugly-ass MOM shoes)walking around the city - I was going to be Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and whatshername all in one....I wore these shoes instead and felt like the fierce diva...until we hit Central Park...and I had HUGE, BILLOWING, QUARTER-SIZED blisters on the back of my heels...had to stop in a drug store and perch my BIG ASS (reference to the book) inside a stoop to put band-aids on my heels...and proceeded to wobble around the City (in agony) until we reached Times Square and could stand it no longer...I bought (GASP)HOT PINK DR. SCHOLL'S SHOES...they weren't the epitome of fashion but my arches got their proper work-out...And, I ended up having to wear liquid band-aids and my strappy sandals to "The Lion King"....

What I remember the most from this experience is asking Mark why the ladies on Sex in the City could wear 4-inch heels and not experience the excruciating pain and blisters that I had...His response? "Mary....they take cabs!" Go figure!

If the shoe fits, wear it! Have a great week!

PS - Be sure to check out SEC and the City....(again, right side of the page)...Pop is a "ROCK STAR"!

Great Quote AND SHOE OF THE WEEK!

I hope everyone had a great Valentines Day! Ours was busy getting the kiddos ready to travel to Iowa via St. Louis! Here's a great quote from my wonderful shoe calendar (love it!)

"Stilettos - not combat trousers and pierced tongues - are a real source of girl power." === Lesley Thomas, English essayist (Love you Lesley!)

Never understood the tongue piercing thing! Can't imagine that would feel good at all...I get nauseated when I burn my tongue...Or you know when you get one of those canker sores on your tongue? EW! I can only imagine that a tongue piercing would be much worse...Double EW!

I love the "Shoe of the Week!" Super sassy, metallic with houndstooth...Can't you see these paired with some adorable walking shorts, a cinched waist short trench jacket and fitted tank? Well, I can! Paid just $12.99 at T.J. Maxx for these adorable, chic, timeless shoes! I am telling you, bargains can be found if you just have the time to dig, I mean, look! To me, these say classy!

Life is short, buy the shoes! (Especially the ones on sale!)

SHOE OF THE WEEK!

This pictures captures my two favorite things -- Shoes and my beloved Bulldawgs!I call this "Bulldawg and Red Boots..."quite creative, I think. These boots are Donald J. Pliner boots (love him!) Notice the heels...they are actually a wedge but give the illusion of actually being heels! Optical illusion - How clever, don't you think? Love these...Paid a bit more for them than usual but saved close to $100 when I spotted them in another online store...I love Bluefly.com (oh yeah, got a sassy orange sweater cape thing with it...BCBG and got it for a bargain too)...In the words of David Bowie, with these sassy little numbers, I can "Put on (my) red shoes and dance the blues..." (Remember "Let's Dance?" You don't?...uh, put well then pull on your pull-ups, grab your blankie and go to bed, you are up past your bedtime!).....

What about Romney's announcement today? Hmmmm....discuss amongst yourselves...I haven't decided who I am voting for...waiting to see their head to toe shots to look at their shoes - they are windows into their soul (and policies) I am sure...

You can't have too many shoes or purses or too much love for the Dawgs! Enjoy the weekend!

Counting Sheep...I mean Shoes....

I'm back up to 119 pair of fabulous, irresistable shoes.... (I think!)....I am going to down-size soon...stay tuned!

Shoe-d for Thought

Stumbled across some great shoe quotes last month (and this one too!) thanks to the fabulous calendar I got for CHRISTMAS! So here goes... (and be prepared to have many thought provoking, awe-inspiring words of wisdom grace this blog in the future!)...

"A woman's favorite pair of shoes is not merely an accessory but actually a window into her soul." --- Meghan Cleary, The Perfect Fit (love the book - got it for my birthday too...again, check out her website - http://www.missmeghan.com/!)
Hmmmm.....What do my shoes say about my soul?...okay, my soul is fierce, sassy and ready to take on the world! Snap, snap! (I am channeling the over-the-top fashion world right now!)

"I still have my feet on the ground. I just wear better shoes." --- Oprah Winfrey ("I've still got my feet headed for welfare but my feet will look smokin' standing in line." --- Mary McClane, February 2008)

"Oh both my shoes are shiny and new, and pristine is my hat, my dress is 1922...my life is all like that." --- Dorothy Parker (The girl must've been fierce...hat and all!)

"Nothing has been invented yet that will do a better job than high heels at making a good pair of legs look great, or great ones look fabulous." --- Stuart Weitzman (Uh, what about a bad pair of legs???...Let me answer that....if nothing else, they do wonders for my psyche!)

AND FINALLY......

"If shoes don't hurt, they don't have style." --- Erma Bombeck (MY HERO!) Is she not right? Remember what Billy Crystal of "You look MAH-velous fame" used to say, "It doesn't matter how you feel just as long as you look good...." Pain comes with the territory...Stuffing my swollen feet into a pair of abnormally narrow, pointy-toed shoes always brings a slew of compliments so it is well worth it! If I go to bed with throbbing feet, life is good!

Life is short, buy the shoes!

PS - I did buy the shoes today... I tried them on and then put them on another rack...I told Casey if they were there when we headed out of the mall after additional shopping, they were meant to be...Well, obviously they were! Asked for the mate to the shoe...waited, and waited, and waited...then, I told Casey if the clerk couldn't find the mate, they weren't meant to be....Well, the clerk found the mate and SOLD, they were mine....Get this -- Steve Madden shoes...$89.99 marked down to $25.97...When rung up at the register...$20! As I said, life is not only short but it is good right now!

Shoe of the Week

Had to post this one as I felt with all of the inclement weather lately, these shoes are very appropriate...These are my Timberland boots (not Timbaland of "The Way I Are" fame...English teachers across the country shudder at the title!) Back to the shoes...Mark bought them for me while on a ski trip, Christmas of 2002. Love these boots (even though they don't have my usual heel on them...NOTE TO SELF: must develop a cute ski/snow boot with a heel)...Everytime I see them, I think of how much fun we had on the trip - including my taking off my skis and walking down a HUGE slope because I got freaked out by the height and the speed at which I was traveling downward (this was after I had brushed myself off from falling face first - massive face plant - off of the ski lift). After Mark stopped laughing, he eventually helped me....NICE!

P.S. Do you notice something in the background? Uh, that would be a Georgia flag! GO DAWGS

Just Ran Across this Shoe Stat! Can You Believe This?

Just logged on to a FABULOUS website of another shoe loving gal Meghan Leary (host of HSN's "Shoe Therapy")...www.missmeghan.com. You MUST get her book "The Perfect Fit: What Your Shoes Say About You" (Thanks to Terri for that wondeful gift!)

Okay, now I am flabbergasted!

A poll of 1,057 women by the Consumer Reports National Research Center for shopping magazine ShopSmart found U.S. women on average own 19 pairs of shoes although they only wear four pairs regularly while 15 percent have over 30 pairs.

Only 15% have over 30 pairs of shoes? What? I wonder how many have more than 50? 75? 100?

What is this world coming too?...Life is short, buy the shoes in every color!

I'm BACK...I think!

It's been long enough...I have been out of blog commission since November 16th and since then, Blogger has added Arabic, Persian and Hebrew to its reportoire of languages! Hard to believe I didn't see that one coming...Just saw where I started an entry on Decemeber 16th but didn't finish it - why, I don't know...Perhaps it's because January 22, 2008, seemed like the best day for my return!

So, I hit a milestone birthday in December and perhaps that is what precipitated the abrupt halt to the blog...I felt a tinge of arthritis kicking in! Or it could be my ever-expanding girth making it difficult to get to the computer...I haven't exercised in almost three months! YIKES! But get this, the "BIG ONE" was a shoe filled fest! Friends and family came bearing gift certificates to Off Broadway Shoes (got the most fabulous JLo leopard print/hot pink boots - they are fierce) and Zappos gift certificates AND I received two pair of designer shoes from the hubby - Plus my friend also got me the most adorable book about shoes (and shoe "signs/moons," somewhat of a zapata Zodiac spin on things) AND hair...did I tell you about hair? I got a gift certificate to Carmen Carmen AND went to visit my man Max Varji at Varji Varji Salon...compliments of Mimi and Pop...got my hair cut, my color and highlights done and an eyebrow wax...The price was comparable to the GDP of a developing country...outrageous but fabulous! All of my cards had a shoe theme...And I have to tell you about one of them ...

The front of the card has two old ladies walking down the street with bags in their hands. The one lady says, "To stay young, the doctor said to exercise and eat the right foods." The other lady shouts, "What?!" Then you open the card and she follows with, "I though he said ACCESSORIZE and BUY NICE SHOES!" HA! Now that's my kind of card...

Well, Shoe of the Week will start up again, Georgia updates too -- uh, HOW BOUT THEM #2 DAWGS? Suhweeeeeeet! Nolan is still talking about the "Black Out" at the Auburn game this year -- we were there, just the two of us, and screamed so much we were hoarse! The Fall of 2008 football season is shaping up to be a really great one....And, we just celebrated Nolan's 10th birthday, complete with a cake with pictures of UGA, Hairy Dawg, Mark Richt holding the Sugar Bowl trophy AND Knowshon Moreno served on bulldawg plates, with bulldawg napkins and soda in bulldawg cups surrounded by red and black balloons AND a UGA Locker Room sign....Did you ever doubt we are rabid Dawg fans?

Well gotta go! Nolan is making his pinewood derby car - I'll bet you can't guess what two colors he chose for his car...OH YEAH...the bulldawg mobile is going to be racing this Saturday! GO DAWGS!

PS -- And my friend bought me a shoe calendar for Christmas! Every day I get to view gorgeous shoes and quotes, etc....Now that is my kind of calendar!